Monday, December 12, 2011

Emotional Ties part 2

In my teen years I used to suffer from dizzy spells and blackouts. I don’t think I ever actually fainted, but I definitely came close. One day it was the worst incident ever, I was at church and I came out of the ladies and it was like my vision disappeared and I couldn’t see a thing in front of me. I started feeling the walls because I knew I was really close to the exit and as I walked outside I thought I heard someone say my name.

I stopped because I could see a little bit, but not in a normal way. It was like those old photo negatives that you get that reverse the colours, but instead of that, instead of seeing shapes I could only see the outline of those shapes and the colours inside were missing. I could see the outline of a tree in front of me but not the green of the leaves. I headed towards the tree and plunked myself down under it, and closed my eyes. I felt really heavy and lethargic and weak. I thought I might be dying. The first thing I was aware of though, was my sisters voice, “You look dead.”

Then Mum & my aunty arrived & dragged me off the ground and helped me up to the car, took me home and forced a spoonful of sugar into my mouth. I nearly choked on it, so they gave me some water too, but within a few minutes I started coming around and then they gave me some proper food.

My impression was that the belief I had taken on at this time was that I was going to die and sugar saved my life (hence my addiction to it). When I pondered on what the truth might be, what I came up with was that food is nourishing, sugar is not. Since then I haven’t had any compulsion to eat sugar or chocolate, which is astounding to me. I started eating a chocolate bar the other day and put it down after one mouthful, which never happens. I’m totally blown away by the change in me after one small event.

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