Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Christmas Holidays at Smith's Lake, NSW

Christmas day I called my family in the morning, then had lunch with friends, then got a ride up to Smith's Lake with friends. It was a bit disorientating, being out of my normal routine but after the first couple of days I got back into my routine by getting up early and going for a walk alone. Being an introvert, I get my energy from being alone, so it was a good way to renew my energy and feel peaceful walking amongst the trees, seeing bush turkeys, hearing lots of birds, and sitting quietly by the lake meditating. Lots of people around which has been good, chatting, getting to know new people, playing games, getting mocked for being a kiwi. Have attempted to do some work but mostly have been reverting to checking facebook, emails, listening to music and podcasts and trying to finish my Europe photobook. (I have a voucher which is due to expire today). Today is my Dads birthday, so I called him this morning to wish him Happy Birthday which was good to get to chat to him. Looking forward to seeing my friend who is driving up this afternoon as well. New Years Eve tomorrow, apparently we're going down to the lake to watch the fireworks, which should be great!
The photos are old, but they're of this area from a few years ago when I was here, and it hasn't changed too much.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015


Found a cute poem today which summed up my feelings quite well for whats about to happen in my life - there was no author named on the piece of paper though:
Today I start a journey
Entirely on my own
New faces to call family
New places to call home

The child in me stays deep inside
Its feelings bound up tight
In cords of new maturity
Emotions kept from sight

Yes I will go the distance now
On paths I do not know
For I was loved and learned to love
I take love where I go

Tuesday, November 10, 2015


I can't believe I'm moving to Australia. I will miss my family & friends & the greenery & nature here, but hopefully they will have mountains and waterfalls and lovely sunsets in Oz as well. Last night I posted the following on fb and got some very lovely replies from friends and family: Well Aotearoa/New Zealand, its been great knowing you, and I've loved our time together. You've looked after me, taught me, encouraged and uplifted me, I have rejoiced in your spectacular landscapes, been awed by your mountains, your greenery, your beaches, your forests, rivers and especially marvelled at your waterfalls. (I LOVE waterfalls, and also sunsets).
I have been loved and felt cared for, safe and protected here, my spirit has soared everytime I discover a new treasured spot. However I feel like our time together is growing short and it will soon be time for me to move on to distant shores, for new adventures, new places and new friends. I will miss you very much, and think of you fondly and often and hope to visit you again in the near future, because I don't know if anywhere else could ever feel as much like home for me.
But a quote I received recently keeps me motivated to move onwards: "Life for him (her) was an adventure, perilous indeed, but (wo)men are not made for safe havens. The fullness of life is in the hazards of life. And, at the worst, there is that in us which can turn defeat into victory."
~ Edith Hamilton

Monday, September 21, 2015


I never knew what exhaustion was until this weekend. I had four shifts rostered over a short period of time (less than 48 hours) - Saturday afternoon, Sunday morning & afternoon, and super early monday. And 3 of those shifts were extended with no warning because of delays, cancellations and sick workmates. I was so exhausted that the only reason I went on Monday was because I thought it would only be for four hours, unfortunately someone called in sick so I was asked to extend my hours. Initially I did not want to (at all) I felt like a zombie, my eyes were heavy and sore, I couldn't think properly, and trying to deal with people seemed like too massive an effort to do anything. I have never been so tired in my life.

On top of the excessive number of shifts was my weird insomnia, which pops up on an occasional basis. It shows up on a random basis, and I have not been able to figure out a reason for it, though I have many theories, including magnesium deficiency, or stress but it is usually that I will go to sleep with no problem and then wake up in the early hours of morning, tired, but unable to return to sleep. I have tried lavender oil (that helped somewhat - I still woke early but felt more rested when I had to get out of bed and less zombie-like), as well as magnesium spray, exercise during the day, cutting out chocolate, not much helped.

According to the Chinese body clock, 1-3am is the time for the liver to be most active, and 3-5am is the time for the lungs. I'm not sure if I'm awake because my liver has an excessive amount of work to do - but you would think in that case that my body would most likely want me unconscious, not awake and fidgety.

Saturday night I went to bed at 9pm as I had to get up at 5am - this should have given me a lovely 8 hours sleep, except that I woke up at 2am and couldn't get back to sleep for 3 hours. And no point trying to have a nap during the day - well I did try it, I couldn't sleep. It was only slightly restful, probably because I had set my alarm for 30 minutes before I had to get up and go again. So the second night I decided to go to bed at 7pm, in the hopes that even if I woke at 2am, I would still have had 7 good hours sleep. However, when I woke up and checked the time it was only 11:40pm and I was awake the rest of the night until 3:30am when my alarm went off.

I'm still exhausted even though its Tuesday. I went to bed at 8pm last night and woke at 1:30pm, but surprisingly felt much better than yesterday. I still had to get up at 4am for work though. I was complaining to people about it at work, but some of my workmates also have crazy numbers of early shifts and late shifts, so there is very little sympathy, but at least they all get it. It did turn into a little bit of a "Who's got it harder" session though. I truly believe this is the reason why there is so much sickness going around at the moment - because people are not coping with the insanity of so many mixed up shifts.

It used to be that you would have a few early shifts, then a few late shifts, then days off. But lately its more like 7 earlies 1 late, or early, late, early, early, late, late, early. Or what I had over the weekend, late shift, then a split shift, then a super early shift, followed by two more very early long shifts - that doesn't help either - coz you just can't get proper rest because you have to get up early the next morning as well. I really hope the next roster is better than this one, because I feel like I'm dying right now.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Anger Management at the Gym

So its been 3 months since I joined a gym, I signed up not long after I got back from Europe, feeling like I needed to do something for myself. I was going for a while feeling like I wasn't making much progress & just kind of mucking around, having fun, so I finally got up the nerve to go talk to the manager about how I was feeling - there are lots of personal trainers there, but they're all guys, and I feel a bit intimidated by them, but the manager is female, so I felt more comfortable talking to her, even though she did look a bit bewildered when I asked to talk to her. So she set me up a second personal trainer session - which was excellent. He gave me a really hard workout, which was good, and the next day my muscles felt very sore and achey, which is just what I wanted. Since then I've been bouncing back and forth between the first and second workouts I was given, doing whatever I feel like on the day and including parts of both.

But one thing I've added myself which I'm really liking is I borrowed some boxing gloves off a friend & have been having a great time laying into the punching bag at the gym. Its really good as an anger management tool, I think, it always makes me feel greatly relieved by the end of it, especially if I visualise whoever has been annoying me lately on the punching bag and me hitting their face, lol. Not that I would ever hit a person in real life, but it does great relief to my feelings to hit the punching bag instead. I highly recommend it. Get your own gloves though, coz you don't know whos been sweating into the gym ones.

Monday, September 7, 2015

Swift changes

Well its been a while since I wrote on here, but it feels like a lot has happened in a very short time & I'm a little stunned & astonished by how quickly change has come upon me (unsought and unasked for). I had sort of a timeline in my head that I thought I was going to follow along with quite nicely, plodding along, but all of a sudden it feels like a dozen waves have crashed over my head, sucking me out of what I thought was going to happen and pulling me along according to their own little timeline.

I had a good talk to a friend today who helped me see things in perspective, it was almost like she knew what was about to happen.

She said that for me the way I grow and change and learn, is to have lots of different experiences in lots of different places. Ever since she has known me, I keep shifting from place to place, or changing jobs, or changing my life completely and moving around. Whereas for the past several years I've been in one place, and one job and I've gotten very comfortable and happy, and in a routine, and I like the way things are, so that when I get told to move on to the next thing, I don't want to, because I'm very happy where I am, thank you very much, and I see no reason why things shouldn't carry on exactly as they are, indefinately. She said but thats not the way for me to grow, that I should embrace the change and just go with it.

She said its like when you learn to surf and you don't know if you want to go in the water, its quite scary and daunting and you're not sure if you can paddle hard enough to catch the wave, and then you're there in the water, waiting for the wave that you're going to catch, you don't know which one it is so you keep waiting and looking, but then when you finally do, you catch it, and you feel exhilarated. You look over and all your friends & family are on the beach cheering you on, and then you're really happy that you took the plunge and did it. She said later I will look back and wonder how things would've been different if I hadn't done it, but that I will be so glad that I did.

She also said she would slap me if I didn't do it, lol. While she was talking I almost got the impression that things were not going to go according to the schedule that I wanted, they were going to happen much faster.

When I got home, I got some news, and yes, things are happening much faster than I imagined. Its quite scary but I think I just have to take a deep breath and go with it. Wowsa.

Monday, July 6, 2015

Sick Day

I loved being on holiday but coming home to winter is really not so much fun. Fog and wind and rain and all of it - have combined to make me a sick lady. Yesterday and the day before I just sucked it up and kept going - probably not the best idea, coz I don't want to make my workmates sick - but I was actually feeling ok. So this morning I suppose my body just decided it had had enough of my attempts to push through it, I've had all sorts of uncomfortable symptoms that I won't discuss just on the off chance that someone ever actually happens to decide to read this. This morning when I called in to work my workmate didn't even recognize me, she said I sounded like I had a frog in my throat, so obviously I wasn't going to be going in today. But not doing anything really doesn't sit well with me. I tried not to clean and just to rest but my room is so disgusting (and I heard a mouse in my room the other night, he kept me awake nibbling at something all night, I wanted to shoot him but I suspected he was hiding behind my bookshelves), that I had to at least get the stuff off my floor that was annoying me.

Other than that I have surprised myself. I have not gone out all day, despite the temptation to. I watched a movie and I read a book and I had a citrus based smoothie that I'm hoping will give me a helpful added shot of Vitamin C. But it really is boring being sick. I don't know what to do because I feel a strong need to keep myself busy, even though I really should be resting. I'm hoping tomorrow I will be feeling well enough to go back.