5 love languages

Gary Chapman, counsellor/therapist came up with 5 ways people express love/want to have it expressed to them, that he calls the 5 Love languages. It seems obvious once you hear about it but putting it into practise is a different story. As children, most of us learn one language which becomes our native tongue, the filter through which we express themselves to the world and expect to be understood by others. The only problem in miscommunication occurs when we meet someone who does not have the same base language, or even dialect for that matter (american vs british english for example). So it is with expressing love. The majority of people will show love in the way that is easiest for them and the way they want to receive it. It will come naturally to them, just as any native tongue. The problem comes when they meet someone who does not share their form of expressing love. That person will not understand what they are attempting to communicate. It is not lack of sincerity that is the problem, but a misguided "do unto others as you would have done to you" rather than a more understanding "do unto others as they would have done unto them". The 5 languages are *words of affirmation, *quality time, *gifts, *acts of service and *physical affection. It was a revelation to me when I first discovered it. I could never understand why my mother, when asked what she would like for her birthday, requested that we clean up for her. Once i understood that her love language is acts of service (she is constantly doing things for everyone around her) i stopped thinking she was crazy for harping on at me to do the dishes. It was also easier for me to understand why certain things upset me more than others and allowed me to let go of old negativities, for example: having appointments cancelled last minute and people saying rude things to me (mine are quality time and words of affirmation). It is effortless for me to offer words of encouragement or to plan activities where i can spend time with people close to me. The good news is that love languages, like russian and german can be learned. It takes effort, but then showing love often requires a person to put forth energy in the establishment and maintenance of healthy relationships, whether it be with a spouse, a friend, a child, a brother or a parent. If you really care about someone you would want them to feel it, through showing it in a way that most clearly speaks to them. I encourage everyone to find out the love languages of their nearest and dearest - either by paying attention to what they complain about "you never get me flowers, you never help me clean, you never say nice things to me" or by asking them what thing they would most like (out of the 5 options and see what they say) Make them feel loved and cherished this Christmas season by surprising them with an expression of love in their native language. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!