Malady

Being sick is not fun. I'm glad I hardly ever do it. The last 5 days have been a lethargic, coughing, feverish, headachy mess and I'm glad they're over and I have begun to regain the ability to think and reason and go to work. The smell of Vicks worked its magic once again. I also read on the internet that if you put Vicks on your feet and then put socks over top it will stop any cough. Doctors are still baffled as to why it works, but i tried it, and it did work, i had the best sleep ever. And now i can also add my own personal testimony, I know that it works.

Jane Eyre

This year I have decided to start on a book list that may yet kill me, the Eaton Press Top 100 books of all time. Among them many titles I have heard of but never perused let along read, including Moby Dick and Don Quixote. Happily, many of these books can be found for free on the Project Gutenberg website, bringing books whose copyright has expired to the masses, just as the printing press took the bible to the masses. My first one to tackle was Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte. I always used to think it was a tragedy but was surprised to discover it had a happy ending. I like happy endings, I find them very satisfying. I also like the fact that Jane ended up having a much better life than her childhood tormentors. I like to think that I will end up with a better life than those who made my life as a child miserable. Not that that should be my motivation in deciding what i want for myself in the future. Next novel will probably be Huckleberry Finn. Since I enjoyed the movie so much. Fear not though, I'm not about to do 100 posts on classic novels, maybe just my favourites and possibly the ones i like least.

Genetics vs Upbringing

So I look nothing like my dad. Or so I thought my whole life, being told that I looked like my mum continuously, I think this was owing to the whiteness of my skin. Coz i don't really look that much like her otherwise. At least in my own opinion. She has blue eyes, mine are green/hazel. Similar hair colour. And skin tone. Dad is a lot darker than me (see above). Then i went to a friends wedding in australia. Met a friend of her family who turned out to have known my parents quite well when they were newly weds. Was just chatting away to him, when he asked me my last name. I responded, as you do. He listed my dads first names and asked if I was related to him. Yes thats my dad but i don't look anything like him. Well actually you do, definately could tell you're his daughter in the face and the facial expressions. First time I'd ever heard that in my life. But i do wonder, am I more like him because I have half his genes? Or is it because he raised me and I unconsciously began to mimick him as a child? Everyone asks me and my twin sister if we have a telepathic connection, finishing off each others sentences and the like, being twins and all. Occasionally we do, but no more so than we do with our brother, which i attribute to growing up together and watching the same movies and tv shows, laughing at the same things, stuff along those lines. I guess my point, if i have one, sometimes i just like to waffle along in pursuit of a point, is that if i hadn't grown up with my dad and we turned out to have similar traits, then it would be solely attributable to genetic influences, i think. But if you grow up with someone and spend enough time with them, chances are that its upbringing/environment. Thats not much of a point, but it will have to do for now.

Introversion part 2

Who am I really? Am I the me that I am on the inside, the thoughts, ideas, feelings, intentions. The occasional hatred filled revenge inspired daydreams. The plots and plans. The hopefullness and the joy. The delight on seeing something cute or inspiring. The darker side that few or no people know about thats always there, thinking about whether or not to come out. Or am I the me that I present to the world? The hopefully much better put-together person than how I feel on the inside. The brave persona that attempts to hide weaknesses and only show the best side? The mask in some cases? What if there are layers on top of both of these? Starting out as one person when you're born, being rebuffed by those who are there to train and guide you as a young person, attempting to subconsciously become someone else, the one you think that they want you to be. Acquiring false beliefs that are then reinforced as you grow older, reliving cycles that show up throughout adulthood. "They don't like me" subjectively learned as a child at home, then repeated at primary school, then reinforced at intermediate, high school and on into adulthood. The problem with such beliefs is that they are subconsciously and deeply held within the framework of a person and unlikely to come out, except through vigorous introspection and sometimes counselling. So who is my true self? The one I am inside, the one I show to the world or a combination of both of these?

Introversion

First year Uni, a whole decade ago, feeling like the smartest people on the planet... we had made it! out of the confines of mandatory school uniform, rules and bursary exams it was on to bigger, brighter and hopefully more fun things than we had imagined before, liberation, freedom, voting rights, reaching the drinking age (prior to it being lowered, not that I ever utilised my rights in said arena). Then reality set in. Tests, assignments, regulations, restrictions - whose idea was it to sign up for this anyway? More time on my hands than I'd ever had, and no money to enjoy it with. I have little to no recollection of anything I studied that year. My main recollections is becoming a blonde for 6 months at the end of my first year, sort of a rebellious "I need a change" thing. The second recollection is a question that came out during many philosophical discussions with friends... Who am I really? To be continued...