Monday, February 9, 2009
Introversion part 2
Who am I really? Am I the me that I am on the inside, the thoughts, ideas, feelings, intentions. The occasional hatred filled revenge inspired daydreams. The plots and plans. The hopefullness and the joy. The delight on seeing something cute or inspiring. The darker side that few or no people know about thats always there, thinking about whether or not to come out. Or am I the me that I present to the world? The hopefully much better put-together person than how I feel on the inside. The brave persona that attempts to hide weaknesses and only show the best side? The mask in some cases? What if there are layers on top of both of these? Starting out as one person when you're born, being rebuffed by those who are there to train and guide you as a young person, attempting to subconsciously become someone else, the one you think that they want you to be. Acquiring false beliefs that are then reinforced as you grow older, reliving cycles that show up throughout adulthood. "They don't like me" subjectively learned as a child at home, then repeated at primary school, then reinforced at intermediate, high school and on into adulthood. The problem with such beliefs is that they are subconsciously and deeply held within the framework of a person and unlikely to come out, except through vigorous introspection and sometimes counselling. So who is my true self? The one I am inside, the one I show to the world or a combination of both of these?