I went to see an iridologist yesterday. It was not what I expected at all. Apparently I'm stressed and perfectionistic and take after my fathers mother genetically. Which was news to me, since I've always thought I take after my mothers side, being white and all.
I don't know that much about my father's birth mother, since he was taken in as a baby by his aunty, his mother having TB when he was born, later he was adopted by his aunty and her husband, they raised him. She's still alive and well, which is a good thing for me, i can now expect to live a long and healthy life as long as my nerves dont kill me first.
He said i'm completely exhausted underneath my overwork mode, constantly busy, funnily enough thats the only thing I know about my grandma, every time i've ever seen her she's been busy, running around doing everything. I told the iridologist that, he said thats me. Drained of essential minerals like potassium, calcium and magnesium. All the "iums" apparently.
He also said i'm a crossover girl. Apparently that means I'm not a girly girl, i'm a practical girl. He said the two don't really mix. When i thought about it, yes, girly girls in my mind, come across as silly, giggly and airheaded. And annoying. They apparently suit "manly men." He described manly men as ones who play team sports and always want to be with the boys. My brother in law broke his leg playing rugby the week before his wedding. I guess that makes him a manly man, although I'm not sure if my sister is a girly girl. She doesn't annoy me.
He said I need to find a crossover guy. Someone interesting who can hold a conversation. That sounded like a good thing. He said to rule out anyone who has ever played rugby. Will see.
He prescribed me some salts for my adrenals and nerves, clicked my back and neck into place and gave me some kind of herbs for my intestinal tract. I have to take a lot of pills, which goes against what I have believed for the past couple of years, even if they are herbs it still seems wrong to me. But i'm struggling to remain open minded about the whole thing.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Family History
I'm trying to put together a nice little booklet about some of my family tree. The descendants of Eleanor and Henry Hoyte, my 3rd great grandparents, or something along those lines. I emailed a lady with the same last name yesterday and she forwareded my email to someone who emailed me back. He's the oldest son of Charles, the oldest sons eldest son. I'm hoping he has the family bible, or at least would know where it is.
Then I wrote a letter to probably the last living descendants of Henry and Eleanors youngest son. He was the only one born in NZ and was the youngest of the family by 10yrs. (My 3rd great grandma, Mary Ella is the youngest daughter). He got married and had 4 children, but only one of those children had kids of their own.
On monday I found out that the oldest son Charles still has a daughter living. I was quite surprised as I assumed she had already died. We hadn't been able to find her because she remarried sometime after her first husband passed away in 1981. I found her new name on her brothers obituarity notice in the newspaper, looked her up in last years electoral roll, found her phone number and gave her a call. Shes 96 years old. She was very deaf, but very cute. And she told me I can come visit her.
She lives in Tauranga, but my grandma's two sisters live there as well, so Mum and I are planning to go over there as soon as we can.
Then I wrote a letter to probably the last living descendants of Henry and Eleanors youngest son. He was the only one born in NZ and was the youngest of the family by 10yrs. (My 3rd great grandma, Mary Ella is the youngest daughter). He got married and had 4 children, but only one of those children had kids of their own.
On monday I found out that the oldest son Charles still has a daughter living. I was quite surprised as I assumed she had already died. We hadn't been able to find her because she remarried sometime after her first husband passed away in 1981. I found her new name on her brothers obituarity notice in the newspaper, looked her up in last years electoral roll, found her phone number and gave her a call. Shes 96 years old. She was very deaf, but very cute. And she told me I can come visit her.
She lives in Tauranga, but my grandma's two sisters live there as well, so Mum and I are planning to go over there as soon as we can.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Chocolate is my only addiction
I'm sick at home with a cold today, and yet, all I can think about is chocolate.
Chocolate sauce, cookies and cream chocolate, toblerone, whittakers almond gold slabs, guylian seashell chocolates, m&m's and chocolate chip cookies. Come to think of it I think i have some of those in my room downstairs. gotta go...
Chocolate sauce, cookies and cream chocolate, toblerone, whittakers almond gold slabs, guylian seashell chocolates, m&m's and chocolate chip cookies. Come to think of it I think i have some of those in my room downstairs. gotta go...
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Socialising
I've been quite anti social since I moved to auckland. The other friday was an attempt to curb that habit. I went to my old flatmates tupperware party. There must have been 20 women there, most of whom i hadn't met before. The girl who I replaced in the flat was the demonstrator for the party. She started getting slightly intimidated when the 20th person walked through the door.
It was very informative, and they demonstrated a few items I had seen before when my friend was a demonstrator, but i had never actually observed them being used. I was very impressed with them. Especially the cake decorating instrument that the hostess insisted would not work until she tried it and realized she was wrong.
But at the end of the night I realized something about myself. I'm actually perfectly happy to be around people and not mix with them. Maybe its part of being an introvert, but i find small talk really draining and i'd much rather not do it.
I did used to hate being in crowds, especially where they're centred around food. Since i got rid of some of my anxieties I don't have a problem with being in crowds anymore, but i'd just rather not mix with heaps of people i don't know. ie its bearable, but i don't like to make a habit of it. I much prefer being with one or two people at a time.
I tend to think of myself as a quiet person, but I was catching up with a friend in tauranga a couple of weeks ago, and she said that I'm only quiet in comparison to my other friends, who are extremely confident and chatty people. She said when i'm around people who are not so talkative, I can actually be quite bubbly and talkative. I said thats coz i'm not entirely comfortable with people who don't talk, so i end up doing all the talking myself.
My sister hardly ever talks, so when i'm with her I pretty much talk non stop. Its not that she has nothing to say, just that shes used to me talking her ear off. We've had our whole lives to get used to each other. If i want her to talk, questioning her doesn't work. I've only figured out in the last few years, that if I want her to talk, I have to remain quiet for at least an hour. Then she usually starts telling me whats going on with her. I think I need to learn to listen more.
It was very informative, and they demonstrated a few items I had seen before when my friend was a demonstrator, but i had never actually observed them being used. I was very impressed with them. Especially the cake decorating instrument that the hostess insisted would not work until she tried it and realized she was wrong.
But at the end of the night I realized something about myself. I'm actually perfectly happy to be around people and not mix with them. Maybe its part of being an introvert, but i find small talk really draining and i'd much rather not do it.
I did used to hate being in crowds, especially where they're centred around food. Since i got rid of some of my anxieties I don't have a problem with being in crowds anymore, but i'd just rather not mix with heaps of people i don't know. ie its bearable, but i don't like to make a habit of it. I much prefer being with one or two people at a time.
I tend to think of myself as a quiet person, but I was catching up with a friend in tauranga a couple of weeks ago, and she said that I'm only quiet in comparison to my other friends, who are extremely confident and chatty people. She said when i'm around people who are not so talkative, I can actually be quite bubbly and talkative. I said thats coz i'm not entirely comfortable with people who don't talk, so i end up doing all the talking myself.
My sister hardly ever talks, so when i'm with her I pretty much talk non stop. Its not that she has nothing to say, just that shes used to me talking her ear off. We've had our whole lives to get used to each other. If i want her to talk, questioning her doesn't work. I've only figured out in the last few years, that if I want her to talk, I have to remain quiet for at least an hour. Then she usually starts telling me whats going on with her. I think I need to learn to listen more.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Free Questioning
I write myself a question with my usual writing hand (my left for me) and answer it with the wrong hand. This way I get the answers from my subconscious, the things that come out are usually quite startling to say the least. I get all sorts of information about the things that are going on underneath my conscious awareness.
How do I feel now?
What has caused me to feel this way?
What is this attached to/when have I felt this way before?
At that time, what lie did I take on as truth?
How has this belief manifested throughout my life?
What is the truth?
How do I feel now?
I’m not sure that I want to put the experiences that I had down, because although I’ve worked through them personally, and they don’t hold any more pain or hurt for me, they might upset certain people who may one day read this. But its definitely not intended to offend.
To be continued...
How do I feel now?
What has caused me to feel this way?
What is this attached to/when have I felt this way before?
At that time, what lie did I take on as truth?
How has this belief manifested throughout my life?
What is the truth?
How do I feel now?
I’m not sure that I want to put the experiences that I had down, because although I’ve worked through them personally, and they don’t hold any more pain or hurt for me, they might upset certain people who may one day read this. But its definitely not intended to offend.
To be continued...
Lately
Don't seem to write much here when i'm in a neutral mood, only when i'm very upset or very happy. Got called in for jury duty on monday and my name was drawn for a 5wk case starting tomorrow. Hoping I don't get on coz i have a mission companion coming to stay with me in a couple of weeks from oz.
In any case i think i've got a cold coming on, sore throat, swollen glands, fever. I'm not in a fit state decide whether someone is guilty or not.
We found a big box of grandmas genealogy research last wk. Heaps of it was what i've been searching for over the past 7 months, but it did confirm a lot of what i'd found. Wrote a letter to one of the living descendants of one of my relatives, will see if anything comes of it.
In any case i think i've got a cold coming on, sore throat, swollen glands, fever. I'm not in a fit state decide whether someone is guilty or not.
We found a big box of grandmas genealogy research last wk. Heaps of it was what i've been searching for over the past 7 months, but it did confirm a lot of what i'd found. Wrote a letter to one of the living descendants of one of my relatives, will see if anything comes of it.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Inner Work
Thinking about my blog lately, what do I want it to be?
Thoughts, feelings, ideas, the incoherent babblings of my subconscious mind, a means for personal growth?
I did a lot of inner work last year. I read a book called Feelings once buried never die. It included the idea that our physical bodies manifest disease due to underlying pain from past unresolved experiences, which teach us subjective lies such as “I am not enough”, which then have a ripple effect throughout our lives in childhood, going on into adulthood. Saying ‘get over it’ is not really an effective cure for what ails me. Even though it seems to go against wisdom, I have learnt that the only way to release negative emotions is to go back into them and allow them to flow through me. Resisting the feelings only makes them stronger.
When I resist thinking about someone who just broke up with me because it hurts, the feelings don’t go away, they just get stronger, regardless of how much I try to deny or ignore them. Its like being locked in a boxing ring where you can’t leave until its sorted and you’re forced to fight against your will, the feelings keep trying to surface and I keep trying to quell them. The best way to stop yourself feeling is to stop breathing. It’s a good way of deadening one self to the pain. Or just an effective denial mechanism.
The simplest way to feel what you need to feel to get through something is to take lots of deep breaths, meditate if you need to and allow the emotions to well up. It’s one of the most excruciating things I’ve ever been through in my life. The first few times were the worst, as though I had a whole life time of pain and anguish to live through again. I have no idea how the Saviour managed to do that for everyone. I could barely even handle my own issues. And I had someone with me, whereas He had to do it alone. But once I had felt it and allowed it to pass through me it was like walking out through a dark tunnel into a light.
A burden had been lifted off me. I’ve never felt so extraordinarily lightened in my whole entire life that I can remember. What an incredible blessing.
Thoughts, feelings, ideas, the incoherent babblings of my subconscious mind, a means for personal growth?
I did a lot of inner work last year. I read a book called Feelings once buried never die. It included the idea that our physical bodies manifest disease due to underlying pain from past unresolved experiences, which teach us subjective lies such as “I am not enough”, which then have a ripple effect throughout our lives in childhood, going on into adulthood. Saying ‘get over it’ is not really an effective cure for what ails me. Even though it seems to go against wisdom, I have learnt that the only way to release negative emotions is to go back into them and allow them to flow through me. Resisting the feelings only makes them stronger.
When I resist thinking about someone who just broke up with me because it hurts, the feelings don’t go away, they just get stronger, regardless of how much I try to deny or ignore them. Its like being locked in a boxing ring where you can’t leave until its sorted and you’re forced to fight against your will, the feelings keep trying to surface and I keep trying to quell them. The best way to stop yourself feeling is to stop breathing. It’s a good way of deadening one self to the pain. Or just an effective denial mechanism.
The simplest way to feel what you need to feel to get through something is to take lots of deep breaths, meditate if you need to and allow the emotions to well up. It’s one of the most excruciating things I’ve ever been through in my life. The first few times were the worst, as though I had a whole life time of pain and anguish to live through again. I have no idea how the Saviour managed to do that for everyone. I could barely even handle my own issues. And I had someone with me, whereas He had to do it alone. But once I had felt it and allowed it to pass through me it was like walking out through a dark tunnel into a light.
A burden had been lifted off me. I’ve never felt so extraordinarily lightened in my whole entire life that I can remember. What an incredible blessing.
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