Inner Work

Thinking about my blog lately, what do I want it to be?

Thoughts, feelings, ideas, the incoherent babblings of my subconscious mind, a means for personal growth?

I did a lot of inner work last year. I read a book called Feelings once buried never die. It included the idea that our physical bodies manifest disease due to underlying pain from past unresolved experiences, which teach us subjective lies such as “I am not enough”, which then have a ripple effect throughout our lives in childhood, going on into adulthood. Saying ‘get over it’ is not really an effective cure for what ails me. Even though it seems to go against wisdom, I have learnt that the only way to release negative emotions is to go back into them and allow them to flow through me. Resisting the feelings only makes them stronger.

When I resist thinking about someone who just broke up with me because it hurts, the feelings don’t go away, they just get stronger, regardless of how much I try to deny or ignore them. Its like being locked in a boxing ring where you can’t leave until its sorted and you’re forced to fight against your will, the feelings keep trying to surface and I keep trying to quell them. The best way to stop yourself feeling is to stop breathing. It’s a good way of deadening one self to the pain. Or just an effective denial mechanism.

The simplest way to feel what you need to feel to get through something is to take lots of deep breaths, meditate if you need to and allow the emotions to well up. It’s one of the most excruciating things I’ve ever been through in my life. The first few times were the worst, as though I had a whole life time of pain and anguish to live through again. I have no idea how the Saviour managed to do that for everyone. I could barely even handle my own issues. And I had someone with me, whereas He had to do it alone. But once I had felt it and allowed it to pass through me it was like walking out through a dark tunnel into a light.

A burden had been lifted off me. I’ve never felt so extraordinarily lightened in my whole entire life that I can remember. What an incredible blessing.