Rant

Today im going to rant, whine and complain about something that annoyed me, in the hopes that talking about it will make it go away (ie the bad feelings). I was sitting by myself at the church sacrament meeting and i grabbed a hymn book and put in front of me so i could sing if i wanted to.

For some reason I have problems with lapses of attention when listening to speakers in any situation not just church, sometimes even with friends, I just can't focus on what they're saying for more than a few minutes, unless they're telling a story or new and relevant information, then I find it easy to stay concentrated.

But a way I've figured around that (which especially came in handy for uni lectures) is that if i write while listening then i can absorb more of what the speaker is saying. Its like the disinterested part gets taken up with writing and then the other part of my mind soaks up any audio info coming through.

So i was writing in my journal when the intermediate hymn started, one of my favourites, "Each life that touches ours for good," when this lady who presumably assumed that I didn't want to use it reached across me and took my hymn book (not technically mine, but I felt quite possessive of it anyway) and handed it to some lady in front of her. Who smiled, and i remember thinking what a dazzling smile she had, followed by 'that wench took my book!' Without even asking if I was going to use it, just assuming.

I fumed inwardly through the first two verses then thought maybe singing would calm me down. I already knew all the words so it wasn't like i needed the hymn book but it was the principal of the thing.

For a while I sat there thinking "am i completely invisible?" and feeling that way. Complete lack of acknowledgement from that woman had led me to an inward fury and turmoil over my own self worth.

What annoys me most is not so much what she did - completely ignore me and take my book. Theres always going to be people who are annoying or rude, but what upset me was my own complete failure to voice my opinion or do anything external to resolve my complaint.

Last night at Timezone 12 of us, mostly my sisters in laws all rocked up to the laser game to play what we assumed would be two teams fighting it out in the maze. We sat through the safety briefing and went to get out gun packs, only to be told by the guy there that it was everybody against everybody and no teams, because there were only 14 of us (us and a couple that were already there) and they needed at least 15 to have team games.

My brother in law told him straight up what he thought of that idea, raised his voice and demanded to speak to the manager, who came and sorted it out. Although I was quite shocked at his belligerence, inwardly I wished I could be more like that, just come out with my opinion, never mind what anyone else thought about it, make myself heard and demand a solution that I was happy with.