Un-holidays

To some people holidays are about relaxing. To me holidays are about cramming in all the things I've been wanting to do but haven't quite got around to. But this time around, owing to being sick I've been forced to take a chill pill and NOT go do all the things i wanted to do. I went to Nelson but I only lasted a few days before I was missing my own bed and wanting to come home. I felt so sick and lethargic and didn't really want to go anywhere or do anything, what a waste of time. I was annoyed at myself. But now I'm home and sleeping in my own bed which just does wonders, I really don't sleep very well when I'm away. I'm so glad to be back home. Now I just want to relax and not think about all the things I'm missing out on doing.

To go or not to go

I'm on annual leave, and I want to go away, but I also really don't. I just want to relax at home, but then I don't want to get to the end of 2 weeks and think, what a waste of my time. So I'm thinking I might go away tomorrow, or I might not. Haven't quite decided yet.

Kill me now

This morning at bootcamp I was forced to run 1km, which now that I think about it, isn't actually that far. But running it continuously was he serious!? I so didn't want to do it. I think I must have glared at him in disbelief for ages before turning around and starting. I've had a cold all week and only just came back after 3 mornings away with early shift.

I've been going to bootcamp now for about 4 1/2 months, every morning Monday to Friday at 6am for an hour, on days that I didn't have early shift or wasn't out of town. So thats a lot of hours, and so you would think that it would be quite feasible for me to be able to run that distance, I mean, its not actually that far. But it seemed like FOREVER before I started it, and while I was doing it it just seemed to go on and on and on and on.

But once I finished it, sat down, had a drink and a bit of a rest, and then I was actually quite proud of myself. Hey, I just run 1 whole kilometre! fancy that, who would have imagined that I could actually do that. It makes my long time new years resolution to run 5km continuously a whole lot more feasible. I mean, if I could run 1km then I could probably do 5km right? Well, maybe not all at once. I'm going to miss boot camp when I'm away for the next 2 weeks, but I'm hoping to get to the south island for some glorious hiking next week, so looking forward to it! Hope the weather is awesome, we'll see.

Afterwards the boss told me I was doing good and that he was going to keep pushing me to improve my fitness and abilities. When I told him i was SOO mad at him today he laughed, and said 'Yes, I could see that stubborn look on your face.' Well hes seen it before, and no doubt he will see it again before hes through with turning me into an actual athlete. But I got home and got dressed and decided I could feel some more definition in my leg muscles, not visible yet, but starting to improve, so maybe all this effort is worth it after all.

A week down

Its been a week since I quit sugar, and apart from a few headaches and niggling pains, I'm feeling quite good in general. I haven't been sleeping so good, but that could easily have been due to 5am shifts over the last couple of days. But today and tomorrow are my days off, & I'm feeling really good about life in general. My knee has been hurting since yesterday, I can't figure out why, but I've been giving it lots of rest and massages, so hopefully it will come right. Plus this morning I had a lemon & ginger herbal tea, ginger is supposed to be anti-inflammatory, so I think that will help.

The other day I had a piece of a friends birthday cake, but I decided it was only a small piece, and just to enjoy it and not feel guilty. The main thing I've cut out is chocolate, but I knew that I would crave it for the first couple of weeks, so I made myself some bitter raw sugar-free chocolate, which has been going down a treat. It has the same fatty feeling and meltiness of normal chocolate, but it doesn't make me feel like I'm on a sugar high/low. My mum tried it last night and I had to laugh at her reaction, she was horrified, then spat it out. Funnily enough it tastes sweet to me, not bitter, maybe the sugar fog is lifting and my taste buds are changing. I hope so.

I weighed myself the other day and I had lost a kilo. It amazed me because I've been trying for months to lose weight and haven't budged at all on the scales. Only a week of cutting out sugar (even with a couple of small cheats) and I've already started to shrink. I'm so amazed that all that effort of going to bootcamp for the last 4 months did nothing for my weight, but within a week of cutting out this sweet poison, its already coming off. Bootcamp has been useful for other reasons though, namely getting some muscles and having more energy.

We have a work pedometer challenge that started this week, and I'm the team captain, so I feel that I have to lead by example and attain at least 10,000 steps per day. Yesterday and the day before I got home with about 7 1/2k steps, and so spent half an hour walking in circles around the house to get up to my goal. My mum suggested last night that I just shake the pedometer, but NO! I am very averse to cheating, and that is definately cheating. I'd rather just walk around. Plus its doing my muscles some good, even if my knees are complaining right now.

Sweet Poison

A couple of months ago my boss put up on our work noticeboard an article about a pilot who had lost a heap of weight, after reading a book, Sweet Poison, by David Gillespie. I thought that sounded interesting so I finally got around to going to the library last week. I couldn't find that book but they did have a copy of the same authors book "Sweet Poison Quit Plan" which I am now in middle of reading and its one of the best books I have found for what is going on with me.

Basically I'm a sugarholic (according to all the symptoms I've been reading in the book) and I need to go cold turkey on sugar. I started 4 days ago, but yesterday I fell "off the wagon" at a friends birthday party with the cake. I thought that wasn't too bad though considering how much less sugar I've been having over the last few days. I even made myself some raw sugarfree chocolate to assist in case I get tempted, its very bitter but has the same mouth feel as chocolate.

Some of the withdrawal symptoms were an eye opener for me - as I have experienced these on previous occasions of trying to temporarily cut out chocolate (my main source of sugar) and thought that my body was falling apart, when actually no, thats my body trying to right itself after my bad habit of consuming sucrose for so many years. These include headaches, muscle pains, accelerated heartbeat, chills, insomnia, restlessness, anxiety, streaming eyes, runny nose. I haven't experienced all of them this time around, but a few, definately.

According to the book these symptoms can last a few days, or a few weeks, and for some people (women, more particularly though they're not sure why) up to three months. I'm not looking forward to this withdrawal period, but I am looking forward to the benefits they say occur after this time - namely that your taste buds recover from their sugar induced fog & that you can actually taste food properly, and that you lose weight, feel more energized and don't have crazy mood swings all the time.

My sister has said that she will do this with me, which is excellent because we both eat far too much sugar, and we're both very competitive, so I think this will be good for us both.

Curiouser & curiouser

So weirdly, lately, my first love has been on my mind. Showing up in my dreams, & also lately, I've been seeing his initials everywhere (perhaps my subconscious picks up on them for some unknown reason?). Perplexing & perturbing. I don't really know what to make of it.

It was a long time ago, I was really young. I remember the euphoria that I would feel everytime I saw him, or heard from him, I would be happy for days afterwards. I drove my family insane talking about him. Then I unintentionally hurt him, and that was the end of that. It took me ages to get over him. Probably because I always thought he was perfect for me, but I never really thought that I was right for him. Possibly that was due to my own issues & insecurities, I thought he was too good for me.

I do believe that things happen for a reason, and that everything works out the best for everyone. He's moved on with his life & I've moved on with mine. But this recent spate of dreams & such has me wondering what on earth is going on.

My dad always says that life gives you lessons, and that if you miss the lesson, the lesson is repeated until you have learnt it. I haven't really had much to do with him in years & now my subconscious is bringing him up for some unknown reason. So I suspect that I missed whatever lesson I was meant to learn from him, whatever lesson that might be, I still need to learn it. But I don't know how thats going to happen.

So now I'm just trying to convince myself to trust in the process of life, that "when the student is ready the teacher will appear." Whatever lesson I'm meant to learn, I'm sure its on its way, in whatever way, shape or form.

HP Wireless Printer (possessed)

Monday morning I was at work looking at the NZ Herald website, when I found a link to a Listener article talking about "Man vs Printer" a hilarious Trademe auction. It closes today in about 7 minutes, but I have spent the better half of the last two days going back to the auction to read the question and answer section of this auction by Nick Ward. He is apparently on the radio now and is being filmed by a film crew hopefully this will be shown tomorrow night on tv along with the destruction of the evil HP printer (as long as the highest bidder actually wants it destroyed - it will be so disappointing if they don't.)

I know I shouldn't be so addicted to trademe, but some of the questions and answers are hilarious, I have had such a good laugh about it, I even added a comment of my own, just to say thanks to him. He is really funny. Good on him I think the auctions up around $265, so hopefully he can take his poor neglected wife out for dinner somewhere nice.

Here is his description of the printer:

Words cannot express how much I hate this printer. It never works when I need it to - it's like it knows when I have to urgently print something. It randomly decides if it wants to work wirelessly or not. And scanning wirelessly? Forget about it!

When you first turn it on it will play an endless symphony of sounds that are simply there to fool you into thinking that it might actually do what it's designed to do. Don't be fooled. This thing is evil incarnate.

I've spent hours on the phone to HP trying to set it up. It has made my life a misery. That is why I am getting rid of it.

So why on earth would you want this unholy piece of garbage? Well there's a good chance it will work for you there's nothing technically wrong with it except it has a soul of pure darkness. Maybe you can tame it. Also it has BRAND NEW PRINTER CARTRIDGES IN IT. I put these in in the blind hope it might decide to work properly - it didn't. So at the very least you will get new(ish) cartridges. This is virtually as new but I want it out of my life for good!

So here's the deal you must come and collect it. If you twist my arm I might mail you the ink cartridges but only if the price is right.

Also if you, like me, think that Hewlett Packard makes the worst printers in the history of technology then I will SMASH this piece of sub-standard feculence into a million pieces on your behalf and send you a tiny bit of it for your collection. I will also post a video of the smashing to Youtube so you and all your friends can enjoy watching it get what's coming to it.

However, if you want to come and get it that's fine as well I guess - but be warned with this printer also comes it's terrible curse.

His blog: Woodofkings.blogspot.com
Trademe auction: http://www.trademe.co.nz/a.asp?id=611109951&cc=61&pid=273702982&hbc=24&ct=link

Winter blues

Even though I keep intending to and also telling myself that I'm going to get out into the sunshine more, I haven't. Because its cold outside and the weather is so up and down. We have been plagued at work with fog the last couple of weeks - yesterday was a case in point. 3 flights got off the ground before 7am but then the 7:30am flight was delayed til about 11am, the fog just came in like a thick blanket of white wrapped around the airport and they didn't have enough visibility to get out. Luckily we got 2 flights away at 11am because both those planes were on the ground but nothing could actually land til about lunchtime.

People have been quite nice in general about it, since it is a weather disruption, but a lot of them don't understand how it works, which is fair enough, because how would they? My funniest thing is when people ask us when the fog is going to clear. I don't think that they realize what they are actually asking because we are not weather forecasters nor fog readers, and we don't usually know when its going to clear.

But after being asked that question several times I decided that they are probably actually asking, what time of day does it usually clear. I usually try to offer comments like, "Well yesterday it cleared by lunchtime, so we are hoping that will happen today too."

I just feel sorry for the people that are going places for meetings that suddenly can't and have to cancel because we can't get them down there in time, because roading them to auckland to send them out of there takes quite a while.
Yesterday we had some people volunteer to go to Tauranga just so we could get them on an earlier flight out of there.

I went to boot camp last thursday and then the next 3 days after that I could barely move my muscles had completely stiffened up and I had soreness all over my back and legs. I want to go again though, I must be a glutton for punishment, but I can just see that I would be so fit by the end of it if I kept going. Good motivation.

Ups and Downs

Last week started off awesome. It was temple week, so I spent a lot of time in that wonderful building, feeling peaceful and serene and happy, thinking about a lot of different things, and feeling really good in general. I got to do some family work, which made it even better, and I started thinking about getting back into family history again which I haven't touched for a couple of years now. Talking to one of my friends mothers - she has done about 33,000 family names, one of her lines even extends back to Adam and Eve, and she is now hitting brick walls and has started running out of names to do. She is the first person I have ever known with such a problem. I certainly don't have that problem.

Then friday when I got out of the temple and went home, I decided to sit down and have a "Big Bang Theory" marathon. I had bought DVD's of Season 1-3 and had only watched part of the first season. My mood rapidly went downhill - which I couldn't figure out because the DVDs were hilarious and I really liked them. But by the evening I was feeling depressed and horrible, and ended up at the supermarket buying icecream, chocolate, potato chips and dip, none of which improved my mood any despite eating almost everything I'd just bought.

Saturday I woke up and decided to attempt to pull myself out of whatever funk I had somehow sunk into (still not being able to figure out why). I went to see some family, which helped, seeing my nephews helped as well, they always cheer me up. So much cuteness in two little people. I had work that afternoon, then a work do which was a Fawlty Towers dinner show evening. It was hilarious. The guy playing Manuel had his work cut out for him, a fine balance between acting his part and pissing people off, stealing their chairs, sitting on them and ending the night doing a strip tease (brave man). We told him our boss was retiring, so he spent the rest of the night yelling about our boss being retarded, and even gave him a baby dummy.

Yesterday I felt like I had gone from up to down to neutral. Like I wasn't entirely joyful, but I wasn't as low as I was on Friday. I had work in the afternoon, it was busy and therefore went by fast. And today, despite the fog, cancelled flights, dealing with disrupted passengers, delays and feeling somewhat stressed, I did have some lovely moments too, and I felt really peaceful and happy despite the chaos.

So what do I take from all this? Well after reading The Christmas Box collection by Richard Paul Evans, I think what I took from it is that I need to leave the past in the past. Stop looking backwards, wondering how things might have gone differently, stop pining over people I'm never going to end up with and just start making plans for my future and improve my attitude towards it. Stop expecting the worst and start expecting the best and moving towards it.

Australia & goals

I have been to Australia twice in the last 5 wks or so, firstly to Sydney to see my friend that lives there, who has just had a baby in January (hes a smiley little chap) and secondly to Perth to see my newly pregnant friend and her family. They were both great trips but for different reasons, it was great catching up with both of them, finding out what their lives have been like and what they've been up to.

I found being around them both superbly motivating in different ways. They are both very determined and hard working and being around them made me want to be more like them.

I even set some new goals (my only one lately has been to do all 9 great NZ walks, and then maybe after that work on getting fit enough to do the Inca trail in Peru) which was also good for me. I now feel like I have a plan. Next step is to create a vision board and stick it up on my wall where I can see it (my walls are rapidly being covered in images, posters and colours, I really like it).

Both of them attempted to encourage me to move to Australia - and I can see that I might actually like Perth, not so much Sydney as its too fast paced for me. Well, I still wouldn't want to move there, but the thought of living in Perth is now less disagreeable to me than the thought of living in Sydney.

Decongesting my Life

Had a thought yesterday which I thought was quite interesting. Ever since 2006 I've had this thought in the back of my mind that I need to "DECLUTTER" and I always just thought that meant getting rid of "STUFF" as in, excess clothes, books, papers, scrapbooking stuff, basically things I don't use. I have been gradually whittling away at all the extra stuff. All the spiritually minded books I have been reading suggest that this is an important exercise in making room for new things and new adventures to come into your life.

On the way to my storage unit yesterday I had a thought, that maybe Decluttering does just refer to the "Things" in my life, maybe it also refers to emotions, thoughts and toxins that I need to clear out. Maybe its a holistic reference to removing ALL the things in my life that are holding me back - whether it be emotionally, mentally, physically or spiritually. Maybe I need to do a big revamp and only hold on to the things that I am going to be using all the time, the things that I really need.

The other thought that came to me when I was pondering this, was that every time I have lost weight, it has also been during a time when I have been decluttering - when I moved home from Tauranga and pulled everything out of my storage unit. I did it while my flatmate had gone overseas for two weeks. My stepdad and I spent at least a week going through all the boxes and arguing over what should be kept and what should be thrown out (I yelled at him a lot - I wasn't really emotionally ready to part with my stuff).

Then I had a huge room so I could have most of my stuff with me and just a little bit in the garage. Then when I moved to Auckland I had to put stuff into storage again - and thats when I put on weight again. Coz even though I have been losing weight lately, I've been feeling like there was some emotional issue holding me back - and I've decided this is what it is. Everytime I move, I seem to end up in a smaller room, which at first I hated, but now I think its a good thing and that I actually need to learn to live with only what I can fit into my space.

Then the next step will be a spring cleaning of emotions and mental garbage that doesn't need to be in my head space. I do need to learn to eliminate the thoughts that are holding me back. So this will be a good thing, I think.

Portrait of a girl

Quiet dreamer, silently observing. Disliking contention, though intrigued by it. Thoughtful. Serene. Curious about people, but shy of them. In wonder of the world around her but unable to go past paralysing fears to get out and explore it. In awe of brave confident people, who have made the world their oyster and have no qualms about doing whatever they like. Unable to connect with strangers, the unknown, fearful.

Fiordland

Ata Whenua - Shadowlands

Tonight I watched an amazing documentary film at the Fiordland cinema. If I had the money I would have bought a copy on DVD to send home so everyone could enjoy it. Just scenery from all over Fiordland, mostly taken from helicopters or boats, views and closeups of waterfalls, mountains that peek out over the top of clouds with the dawn breaking on the edge of the clouds, waves smashing the sea, stone arches and natural rock bridges (that look like they're going to collapse into the sea) it was amazing. Half an hour of scenery, trees, forests, closeups of native flora and fauna, kea and kaka.

I am so looking forward to my trip tomorrow and seeing more of what there is to see. I'm quite sad that the Sutherland Falls side track is closed - apparently you can still see the falls but you can't go to it, due to a massive rock slide a few months ago, as well as a big rock thats still poised over the track waiting to fall on top of unwary (and stupid) travellers.

The weather forecast is looking sort of ok, but its hard to tell when they describe the weather for Queenstown and Te Anau, coz the Milford track is apparently 4 seasons in one day. I'm hoping that if it does rain, its just a light drizzle that comes and goes quickly. But I wouldn't mind it bucketing down after lunchtime on Sunday, coz I would love to see Milford Sound awash with waterfalls.

Milford Track

I arrived in Queenstown on Monday with a sore back not sure why. Yesterday I went sightseeing around the lake and did some last minute shopping. Today I caught the bus to Te Anau, a beautiful little town next to an awesome lake and also the jump off point for both the Kepler track and the Milford track. THE MILFORD TRACK!!! I am so excited tomorrow I'm starting THE MILFORD TRACK!!! I've been looking forward to it for ages.

53kms of stunning scenery over 4 days, waterfalls, mountains, valleys, streams, greenery all kinds of amazement. I am so so so looking forward to it, the walking and the photos and especially the waterfalls. I don't know what else to say, I'm just really happy right now. I get my bus in the morning and then a 1hr boat ride on the lake to the start of the walk, the first day is 5kms which is quite sweet actually. The second day is about 16kms which starts off flat and then gradually climbs with a steep bit at the end. The 3rd day is 14kms you go up 11 switchbacks (which I think are like zigzags) 400m to Mckinnon pass and up past it to the top, then you come down 900m on the other side (I've been told to be careful of my knees at that point) then the last day is 18kms of mostly flat, lots of waterfalls, and Bell rock which I've been told to look out for, I don't know why but I guess I'll find out.

Then I get a boat at the end to Milford Sound then a bus back to Queenstown that night. I'm so happy and so looking forward to tomorrow! (Like a little kid on Christmas eve waiting for Santa to come hehe). Yay!!

2013

I can't believe its been such a long time since I wrote. I've been on the internet on a regular basis but somehow that was not strong enough of a draw for me to come to this page - the one where I can write anything I want, and pretty much nobody knows its me. I like it like that.

So far this year has been pretty good. Except for my sister moving away, that sucked. And with so little warning too, or maybe I was just oblivious to seeing it coming. I attempted a sugar, meat and bread free detox, that lasted 10 days which was quite good for me I think.

Have been gearing up for my Milford Track trip which starts tomorrow night when I drive up to auckland the night before I catch my flight (so excited!). Stay in Queenstown a couple nights, then to Te Anau for a day, then the bus and boat to glade wharf and we're off!! I'm not sure I'm fit enough, but I'm definately fitter than when I did the Routeburn track, and I've learnt a lot in the time since (like don't pack so many clothes, and don't take so much food). I hope it is as good as I've been imagining it, and that the weather holds out.

Overcast but not hot with the last day light rain and therefore waterfalls streaming down the mountain would just be my idea of PERFECTION. But if its not like that will just have to put up with whatever happens, can't do much about the weather.

I was just reading up on the guys that discovered the Milford track, Quintin Mackinnon, Sutherland and McKay, very interesting and must have loved the outdoors a lot. I love the outdoors but not enough to permanently venture away from society. So this is Great Walk #3 and I can't believe I haven't yet tackled any in the north island, you would think those would be the ones to start with, but no i have to first do the ones at the opposite end of the country lol.

New Years

So I thought about making some new years resolutions or even goals for the year, but it hasn't quite panned out yet. The only thing I could think of is that I want to go somewhere I've never been - but the other day I went somewhere in my home town that I'd never been before, so does that count? A week ago I went to several different places in NZ that I'd never been before, during my road trip to Gizzy, does that count? I haven't decided yet. I think I'd like to go to Perth or Hawaii sometime this year.

Last year I didn't even finish my Years goals so I don't know whether I should even start some more this year. I did quite a few of them, and a couple of them I wasn't too far off and I could probably finish them in the first few months of this year but we'll see what happens.

This year feels like its going to be a year of change. I'm not sure why I think that, its just an impression I currently have. My sister and her husband are thinking of moving their family to Hastings. I don't like that she's moving away, but its better than if she was in Australia. 3 1/2hrs drive is not too bad, when I think about it, and Hastings has Splash Planet and stone fruit to recommend it - shes coming back from there today and bringing me cherries and peaches yay!

I'm trying really hard to be better with my health. Although my exercise program has been quite inconsistent so far, I am at least walking and a lot more active than I was last year. I think my pedometer challenges the last few months of last year have helped. I learned to make pesto a couple of weeks ago, as I was suffering from oedema (water retention) and parsley is apparently one of the ways to fix it. And pesto seems like an easy way to get a lot of herbs into your system. The swelling in my legs seems to have gone down, which is excellent. I have also been having a lot more fresh fruit and not just chugging down smoothies (which I love, but I think I have them too often). The excessively hot weather here is also more conducive to lighter foods like salads, corn and grapes.

In two months I will be attempting the Milford track, down the bottom of the south island, 53kms over 4 days, carrying all my gear with me. So I need to start training for that and organize my gear. Got some good advice on what to take from a friend who is into tramping. Hopefully the weather will be good and it will all work out fine, and no avalanches nor rain, though I'm not gonna hold my breath, since Fiordland is one of the wettest places in the country.

So yes, I have a lot of things to look forward to - including a trip up to Waiwera/Warkworth at the end of this week.