After several years of researching health and trying to improve my own, I think i have finally found the missing clue to why im so tired, lethargic and lacking in energy all the time (not including the shift work). Syndrome X, metabolic syndrome, insulin resistance syndrome, pre-diabetes syndrome, all different names all the same thing.
My mother has type II diabetes melitus which makes me genetically predisposed towards it, but environment is more of a factor. High glycemic foods and sugary foods are the main culprit. I'm still in the middle of Dr Ray Strands book, Releasing fat, which is more about eliminating sugar and foods that your body uses to make glucose, which then lowers the insulin (fat storing hormone) in your bloodstream allowing the glucagon (fat burning hormone) to take over.
He talks about all different diets, why they don't work and how they put your body into fat starvation mode so that when you quit you put weight back on even faster. Its one of the biggest revelation books i've come across amongst all the books i've seen. Apparently alot of the worlds obesity problems come down to this underlying problem of insulin resistance, suffered unknowingly by 25% of the population in america.
TBC...
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
The Light of Example
Christmas has come and gone, busy but happy time of being together at the end of a long year. I sneaked home in between two long shifts, taking the back road which is now my preferred means of travel, from auckland at least, went viewing christmas house lights on christmas eve, had lunch with the family and headed back for work that night.
Yesterdays sunday school class with my 6-8yr olds was about good examples. Being helpful, kind and obedient to those around us. Made me think of my sisters christmas tradition of giving. Every year they put together a big christmas food hamper and ponder on who it should be given to.
Last year they gave it to a homeless man camped out on a vacant lot in frankton which lead to him being reunited with some of his kids who had no idea where he had vanished to.
This year my sister had someone in mind, a single mother, who she had seen around but didn't really know her too well. Since i was over visiting, she decided i should be the one to hand it over, as the lady wouldn't recognize me. I was really nervous on the way over there, i don't know why, remnants of childhood stranger danger perhaps?
I went and knocked on the door and a tired looking middle aged woman with a bewildered expression on her face answered. "Is this the *** family?" i asked her. She frowned. "Yes."
"Ok i was asked to deliver something for you for christmas."
Then i went back to the car to get it for her.
Her eyes widened as I reapproached her. "This is for you." (afterthought, "Merry Christmas!")
"Woah... Thank you" she said. She looked stunned and nearly speechless. I felt kind of uncomfortable, since i was getting thanks for something i didn't deserve credit for. "Merry christmas" was all i could think of to say. Then i hurried back to the car.
I felt quite good even though i had nothing to do with the idea or the execution of the christmas gift, but it made me want to follow their example, and do something good for someone next christmas, or maybe even throughout the year. Just like the lights of christmas draw people to see them, so do peoples good examples around me draw me to want to follow them too. Thank you Jesus, for sending angels to earth to remind me of what you would do if you were here.
Yesterdays sunday school class with my 6-8yr olds was about good examples. Being helpful, kind and obedient to those around us. Made me think of my sisters christmas tradition of giving. Every year they put together a big christmas food hamper and ponder on who it should be given to.
Last year they gave it to a homeless man camped out on a vacant lot in frankton which lead to him being reunited with some of his kids who had no idea where he had vanished to.
This year my sister had someone in mind, a single mother, who she had seen around but didn't really know her too well. Since i was over visiting, she decided i should be the one to hand it over, as the lady wouldn't recognize me. I was really nervous on the way over there, i don't know why, remnants of childhood stranger danger perhaps?
I went and knocked on the door and a tired looking middle aged woman with a bewildered expression on her face answered. "Is this the *** family?" i asked her. She frowned. "Yes."
"Ok i was asked to deliver something for you for christmas."
Then i went back to the car to get it for her.
Her eyes widened as I reapproached her. "This is for you." (afterthought, "Merry Christmas!")
"Woah... Thank you" she said. She looked stunned and nearly speechless. I felt kind of uncomfortable, since i was getting thanks for something i didn't deserve credit for. "Merry christmas" was all i could think of to say. Then i hurried back to the car.
I felt quite good even though i had nothing to do with the idea or the execution of the christmas gift, but it made me want to follow their example, and do something good for someone next christmas, or maybe even throughout the year. Just like the lights of christmas draw people to see them, so do peoples good examples around me draw me to want to follow them too. Thank you Jesus, for sending angels to earth to remind me of what you would do if you were here.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
30
Tomorrow I turn 30. I'm not sure how i should feel about it. Part of me is quite pleased and the other part isn't. Its just another day really. But kind of a milestone. On the good side, at least i don't have work this week, its quite nice being able to do nothing all day if i feel like it.
This weekend i'm going out of town to my mates place where a whole group of us are going to converge for two days of togetherness. I'm more of a "one or two people at a time, in small doses" than a "the more the merrier" type of girl. Maybe i should take my car down, just in case i feel the need to escape.
This weekend i'm going out of town to my mates place where a whole group of us are going to converge for two days of togetherness. I'm more of a "one or two people at a time, in small doses" than a "the more the merrier" type of girl. Maybe i should take my car down, just in case i feel the need to escape.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Parito Coastal Yoga Retreat
So before I went on this retreat, my idea of yoga was something for mystic people in out of the way places in India, contortionists who could move their bodies in impossible ways, charming snakes and chanting constantly while meditating 5 ft in the air.
Of course what I found was completely different.
Parito means "New Beginnings" in maori and started off as a house built for a couple who wanted a simple life. They found it, not far from the west coast town of Raglan about 8 years ago when they started opening their home to practitioners of yoga.
How did I end up there? Well thats a whole other story. Each morning we were awakened by pretty chimes, then started off with 1 1/2hrs of yoga meditation, relaxation and exercises. After a delicious healthy breakfast we undertook some chanting, followed by karma yoga (service to each other) morning tea and more classes, lunch and more classes, afternoon tea and more classes, dinner, meditation and relaxation following which complete silence was undertaken until the following morning after breakfast. All the food was amazingly delicious, organic vegetarian and mostly prepared from ingredients grown on the property.
There were no tvs, radios, no cell phone coverage, just the sound of birds, insects, the occasional car and the ocean. It was the most beautifully peaceful place I have ever been.
I found out a lot of things about yoga while i was there, some applied specifically to questions I personally had and others were more general. It seems to me that yoga is about learning to focus oneself and ones mind in the present, to be more aware of what is going on around you as you are carrying out the events of your day, and to be in a relaxed state rather than one of constant tension (where very little can be accomplished.) It was a shock to me, that i could do exercises and stretches so much more effectively while relaxed and peaceful rather than the "must do must do" usually parading through my head.
The dreams I had while there were some of the most vivid of my life, and i remembered the whole thing when I woke up (and quickly wrote them down so I could hold on to them).
I'm very grateful to our hosts who made our time there such an enjoyable and stress free one, and to my sister who talked me into going with her, though truthfully, I didn't take much convincing, I tend to like new experiences.
Of course what I found was completely different.
Parito means "New Beginnings" in maori and started off as a house built for a couple who wanted a simple life. They found it, not far from the west coast town of Raglan about 8 years ago when they started opening their home to practitioners of yoga.
How did I end up there? Well thats a whole other story. Each morning we were awakened by pretty chimes, then started off with 1 1/2hrs of yoga meditation, relaxation and exercises. After a delicious healthy breakfast we undertook some chanting, followed by karma yoga (service to each other) morning tea and more classes, lunch and more classes, afternoon tea and more classes, dinner, meditation and relaxation following which complete silence was undertaken until the following morning after breakfast. All the food was amazingly delicious, organic vegetarian and mostly prepared from ingredients grown on the property.
There were no tvs, radios, no cell phone coverage, just the sound of birds, insects, the occasional car and the ocean. It was the most beautifully peaceful place I have ever been.
I found out a lot of things about yoga while i was there, some applied specifically to questions I personally had and others were more general. It seems to me that yoga is about learning to focus oneself and ones mind in the present, to be more aware of what is going on around you as you are carrying out the events of your day, and to be in a relaxed state rather than one of constant tension (where very little can be accomplished.) It was a shock to me, that i could do exercises and stretches so much more effectively while relaxed and peaceful rather than the "must do must do" usually parading through my head.
The dreams I had while there were some of the most vivid of my life, and i remembered the whole thing when I woke up (and quickly wrote them down so I could hold on to them).
I'm very grateful to our hosts who made our time there such an enjoyable and stress free one, and to my sister who talked me into going with her, though truthfully, I didn't take much convincing, I tend to like new experiences.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Energy
I was ironing one of my work shirts the other day, which for some reason is when I get moments of insight and inspiration, when I’m doing mundane routine chores like washing the dishes or hanging out washing, when I was hit with a thought. Everything is energy. Everything is tied into energy. I spent several minutes running through a list in my head. Music, anything audio-related, is just sound waves pinging through space, which of course is energy, as is stuff on the tv, dvds, radio, microwaves, electronics, whiteware and so on and so forth.
Electricity is energy, running through wires to power such things as the laptop I am currently typing this information on. People are energy based systems, we eat food and drink liquids to sustain us, we need light and movement and fresh air to keep us going. We give and take energy from each other on a constant basis, whether by nurturing, power tripping, intimidating, being victims, attention seeking behaviours. Cars need fuel which gives them energy to run, as to all mechanical objects. The weather is a huge system of energy transferal, wind and water moving around the planet. The planet is an energy source, coal and gas deposits buried in the earth waiting to be accessed by man and technology. Theres lots of other things too, but going into them all would be overkill.
Possibly this train of thought was influenced by a recent book I picked up at the library called “Who stole my energy” which talks about the food we eat and how it depletes or aids our energy stores, as well as how kindness can give us energy and negativity can dissipate it.
Ages ago, I bought a dvd of a book that I really liked, The Celestine Prophecy, which talks about energy and how we try to steal it from one another, as well as limitless sources of energy we could tap into if we knew about it, and how mutual giving of energy can elevate two parties to a higher sense of wellbeing.
Electricity is energy, running through wires to power such things as the laptop I am currently typing this information on. People are energy based systems, we eat food and drink liquids to sustain us, we need light and movement and fresh air to keep us going. We give and take energy from each other on a constant basis, whether by nurturing, power tripping, intimidating, being victims, attention seeking behaviours. Cars need fuel which gives them energy to run, as to all mechanical objects. The weather is a huge system of energy transferal, wind and water moving around the planet. The planet is an energy source, coal and gas deposits buried in the earth waiting to be accessed by man and technology. Theres lots of other things too, but going into them all would be overkill.
Possibly this train of thought was influenced by a recent book I picked up at the library called “Who stole my energy” which talks about the food we eat and how it depletes or aids our energy stores, as well as how kindness can give us energy and negativity can dissipate it.
Ages ago, I bought a dvd of a book that I really liked, The Celestine Prophecy, which talks about energy and how we try to steal it from one another, as well as limitless sources of energy we could tap into if we knew about it, and how mutual giving of energy can elevate two parties to a higher sense of wellbeing.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Travelling and Joy
So i wanted to go to rarotonga this month but i looked at how much i spent in nelson and sydney recently and decided i better wait and save up before embarking on any more overseas travel. Such a pity because summer really is the best time to go anywhere and enjoy the sun. My sister thinks i should use my money and get a better laptop. I said i don't need a better laptop because i hardly ever use it anyway.
If i was going to buy something it would be a thermomix, which is $1940 australian but totally worth it in my mind. Its like the ultimate food processor. It comes from Switzerland, the home of the best things, it can weigh food, process food, grind wheat, blend anything, operates at 50000rpm (as good as a vitamix blender i would say, which is what i've been lusting after ever since i found out about them) and it can pressure cook food. Like rice risotto. Unfortunately they don't sell them in NZ i would have to go back to Oz to get one.
But really, i think life is about experiences, and learning from the things that you do. For me my favourite experiences so far in my life involve going places, meeting people, and doing things. Doing these 3 things on a regular basis are what makes me happy, and thats where i would want to put my money.
If i was going to buy something it would be a thermomix, which is $1940 australian but totally worth it in my mind. Its like the ultimate food processor. It comes from Switzerland, the home of the best things, it can weigh food, process food, grind wheat, blend anything, operates at 50000rpm (as good as a vitamix blender i would say, which is what i've been lusting after ever since i found out about them) and it can pressure cook food. Like rice risotto. Unfortunately they don't sell them in NZ i would have to go back to Oz to get one.
But really, i think life is about experiences, and learning from the things that you do. For me my favourite experiences so far in my life involve going places, meeting people, and doing things. Doing these 3 things on a regular basis are what makes me happy, and thats where i would want to put my money.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Homemade Fruit Leather
I bought a dehydrator last year on a whim. It’s a really good big one, “Excalibur”, with square easy to clean shelves and a door that comes right off the front to make checking on food simple.
I attempted to do homemade fruit leather last year, but it didn’t work so well, the parchment paper and the leather stuck together and ripped to shreds when I tried to pull it off. Plus I wasn’t sure about the thickness so all the pieces I made were too thin. And the blender I tried to puree my fruit in couldn’t really handle apples and pears so well, so they turned out lumpy. I tried one batch of kiwifruit, plums, apples, blueberries and other berries and other odd mixtures, like banana and mango – actually that one wasn’t too bad. The best one I made was strawberry and banana. It was bright pink (unlike some of them that browned over time – actually I don’t think that’s meant to happen) and delicious, and it disapppeared within a couple of minutes of me pulling it out of the machine.
So one year on, I finally decided to have another go at making homemade fruit leather. Especially since strawberries are so cheap. I love the asian supermarket in New Lynn, they have really cheap fruit, some even better prices than the Sandringham market, my other favourite fruit and veg place. I got 2.5kgs of strawberries for just under $15. Got up this morning, blended it all with a few bananas and a couple of green apples, and spread it out on baking paper in the dehydrator. It takes 5-8 hours to dry, approximately, but the wafting strawberry smell coming out of the machine when I left was so so good.
Can’t wait to try it tonight. Yum!
I attempted to do homemade fruit leather last year, but it didn’t work so well, the parchment paper and the leather stuck together and ripped to shreds when I tried to pull it off. Plus I wasn’t sure about the thickness so all the pieces I made were too thin. And the blender I tried to puree my fruit in couldn’t really handle apples and pears so well, so they turned out lumpy. I tried one batch of kiwifruit, plums, apples, blueberries and other berries and other odd mixtures, like banana and mango – actually that one wasn’t too bad. The best one I made was strawberry and banana. It was bright pink (unlike some of them that browned over time – actually I don’t think that’s meant to happen) and delicious, and it disapppeared within a couple of minutes of me pulling it out of the machine.
So one year on, I finally decided to have another go at making homemade fruit leather. Especially since strawberries are so cheap. I love the asian supermarket in New Lynn, they have really cheap fruit, some even better prices than the Sandringham market, my other favourite fruit and veg place. I got 2.5kgs of strawberries for just under $15. Got up this morning, blended it all with a few bananas and a couple of green apples, and spread it out on baking paper in the dehydrator. It takes 5-8 hours to dry, approximately, but the wafting strawberry smell coming out of the machine when I left was so so good.
Can’t wait to try it tonight. Yum!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Anger Turned Inward
I read something recently about rage being anger turned outward, and depression being anger turned inward. A lot of people around me are depressed at the moment, and I've found myself feeling really down at times lately. Sometimes i think its sun related. Our bodies need sunshine to be able to produce vitamin D, which apparently aids in mood improvement. Some say its an internal chemical thing. One of my friends watched some tv documentary about how high levels of Niacin Vitamin B3 can assist people trapped in depression. It also flushes out your body and pushes blood out to your skin causing a red rashlike reaction. One of my friends experienced this rush when she first tried it. 2000mg of niacin and she thought she was dying. But it worked, and her moods improved and she was able to start coping with life. But i'm sure the answer must be different for everyone.
I went to a psychic the other day with one of my friends, and she let me play with her angel cards, shuffle them, pull a few out and see what they say. They told me i should get fresh air, cleanse and detox my body, engage in service and find joy. Those seemed like really common sense things, so i started looking for ways to do them. Hence the detox. Today is day 7. I feel good.
She also told me where my true path lies (in a field i'd never seriously considered before), told me i need to get my eating right, and told me someone needs to come into my life before the eating right can happen. Kind of spooky since the second one was something i'd been considering quite intensely in the days before i met her. But then decisions in life can always draw people together or apart.
I went to a psychic the other day with one of my friends, and she let me play with her angel cards, shuffle them, pull a few out and see what they say. They told me i should get fresh air, cleanse and detox my body, engage in service and find joy. Those seemed like really common sense things, so i started looking for ways to do them. Hence the detox. Today is day 7. I feel good.
She also told me where my true path lies (in a field i'd never seriously considered before), told me i need to get my eating right, and told me someone needs to come into my life before the eating right can happen. Kind of spooky since the second one was something i'd been considering quite intensely in the days before i met her. But then decisions in life can always draw people together or apart.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
More detoxing
Well after several failed attempts at detoxing, I had what seemed like a meridian massage earlier this week (complete with tibetan chimes and crystal infused oils) along with a few comments from the therapist about getting my eating right. I also looked at a few of her angel cards, one of which said, you're addicted and oversensitive to sugar, you need to detox. Which was something i'd been thinking about doing for a while now.
I plan to detox for at least 10 days with the intention of extending it as much as possible. Depending on how long i can hold out. Today is day 2. Day three is usually the hardest. Today i only have a mild headache. I was going to do a full water only fast, but i've now resolved to take it more gently by having some food, since i still have to go to work.
Namely been having green smoothies in the morning, apples for morning and afternoon tea, and lots of herbal teas throughout.
The books of Moses and Genesis talk about herbs being created for meat for man and beast. Very interesting.
Next month for our birthday my sister and I are going to an "Unplug from the world" retreat. I think it will be fun.
I plan to detox for at least 10 days with the intention of extending it as much as possible. Depending on how long i can hold out. Today is day 2. Day three is usually the hardest. Today i only have a mild headache. I was going to do a full water only fast, but i've now resolved to take it more gently by having some food, since i still have to go to work.
Namely been having green smoothies in the morning, apples for morning and afternoon tea, and lots of herbal teas throughout.
The books of Moses and Genesis talk about herbs being created for meat for man and beast. Very interesting.
Next month for our birthday my sister and I are going to an "Unplug from the world" retreat. I think it will be fun.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Who I really am by Kenneth Cope
Went to a musical "fireside" in Sydney while I was there (having got home today). Kenneth Cope, LDS composer extraordinaire was over visiting the land of big red deserts. He spoke about different aspects of Who we are, interspersed with singing songs, either hymns or his own compositions. It was so beautiful and uplifting.
Abba, meaning Daddy or Poppa, is the word Jesus used in the garden of Gethsemane as he was suffering the pain of the atonement. He said if you walked through Israel today, thats what you would hear little children calling out to their fathers. Becausse He, God, is truly our father, and we are his children. And if our spirits weren't shielded by these earthly tabernacles, then everyone would be able to see our glory, a glory which comes from our spiritual parents in heaven.
I had an atheist teacher in intermediate school. I asked if he would sponsor me in the 40 hour famine and he said no because he didn't believe in God. I couldn't quite make the link between not believing in God and refusing to sponsor something, or maybe it was just an excuse. I don't understand atheism at all, especially when i look out the window and see all the wonders of Gods creation.
Abba, meaning Daddy or Poppa, is the word Jesus used in the garden of Gethsemane as he was suffering the pain of the atonement. He said if you walked through Israel today, thats what you would hear little children calling out to their fathers. Becausse He, God, is truly our father, and we are his children. And if our spirits weren't shielded by these earthly tabernacles, then everyone would be able to see our glory, a glory which comes from our spiritual parents in heaven.
I had an atheist teacher in intermediate school. I asked if he would sponsor me in the 40 hour famine and he said no because he didn't believe in God. I couldn't quite make the link between not believing in God and refusing to sponsor something, or maybe it was just an excuse. I don't understand atheism at all, especially when i look out the window and see all the wonders of Gods creation.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Sydney Aquarium
I went to the Sydney aquarium in Darling Harbour yesterday. It was a very very long walk on a very hot day but i got to learn about dugongs, sort of like a sea cow. I'd never heard of them before. Funny looking creatures. They eat about 120 heads of lettuce each per day (theres 2 of them) and they're an endangered species, owing to their natural food source (sea grass) being destroyed by multiple types of fishing, trawling and digging up sand for land reclamation projects.
The thought is that the myths of mermaid sirens luring sailors to their deaths in days of yore is based on sightings of the dugong in the past.
I also got to go on a glass bottom boat in an overheated aquarium pool to watch all the fish and sharks directly underneath us. During the 5 hours we were there, i took over 500 photos, mostly because my camera wasn't coping so well with the dim lighting conditions and fast fishy movements. My favourite fishes were the ones off Finding Nemo. The blue tang (Dory) and the clown fish and the one called Gill. Also the cute little sea horses and this freaky big blue fish with a huge eye that swivelled around til he was looking at all of us.
I wonder what fish see when they look out of through the aquarium glass. My friend says nothing can beat the 7 Seas aquarium in Osaka Japan, so I guess i'll have to go see that one some day. And after such a delightful day viewing Gods underwater creations, what did we have for dinner? Fish and chips. Yum.
The thought is that the myths of mermaid sirens luring sailors to their deaths in days of yore is based on sightings of the dugong in the past.
I also got to go on a glass bottom boat in an overheated aquarium pool to watch all the fish and sharks directly underneath us. During the 5 hours we were there, i took over 500 photos, mostly because my camera wasn't coping so well with the dim lighting conditions and fast fishy movements. My favourite fishes were the ones off Finding Nemo. The blue tang (Dory) and the clown fish and the one called Gill. Also the cute little sea horses and this freaky big blue fish with a huge eye that swivelled around til he was looking at all of us.
I wonder what fish see when they look out of through the aquarium glass. My friend says nothing can beat the 7 Seas aquarium in Osaka Japan, so I guess i'll have to go see that one some day. And after such a delightful day viewing Gods underwater creations, what did we have for dinner? Fish and chips. Yum.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
How the Other Half Live
For Christmas last year, each Air NZ staff member received a one-off lounge pass to the Koru Business class lounge, to use on any international flight during the following year. Since it expires at the end of this month, I decided that today would be a good time to use it, prior to my trip to Sydney.
I felt a sense of queasy trepidation as I headed upstairs to where the lounges are located. There was a note on the back of the pass saying that it could only be used on a "space available" basis. I wondered if that was their way of barring anyone who looked unsuitable. The funny thing is half the people here are wearing jeans and sneakers. I guess everyone wants to be comfortable on a flight, unless they have to jump off the plane and head straight out to a business meeting.
There's a lot of well dressed couples, and i feel like a lowly staff member. Its a really cosy place with soft music, cushy seats, lots of "interesting" art work, free internet and lots of free food. I can see why people want to come here to wind down before the rigors of air travel. But i don't think I could come here all the time. Its just a bit intimidating to me. If i was a different person it wouldn't be a problem. I'm sure everyone here just thinks of themselves as a regular person. But they don't seem like it. You'd have to have a lot of money to get business class seats just for a flight overseas, considering how many cheap fares are available these days.
I read a definition of confidence I'd never heard of before recently. Confidence is trusting yourself. Everyone has confidence in certain areas, because everyone is familiar with certain things. This place is way above my comfort zone. I even went and asked the concierge where to put my dirty plates. She laughed, and told me not to worry about it, just leave it on my table. "You get waited on hand and foot here, make the most of it." They have people that come around and scoop up your dirty plates and stuff for you.
In conclusion, this is a nice place to visit but i wouldn't make it a regular thing.
I felt a sense of queasy trepidation as I headed upstairs to where the lounges are located. There was a note on the back of the pass saying that it could only be used on a "space available" basis. I wondered if that was their way of barring anyone who looked unsuitable. The funny thing is half the people here are wearing jeans and sneakers. I guess everyone wants to be comfortable on a flight, unless they have to jump off the plane and head straight out to a business meeting.
There's a lot of well dressed couples, and i feel like a lowly staff member. Its a really cosy place with soft music, cushy seats, lots of "interesting" art work, free internet and lots of free food. I can see why people want to come here to wind down before the rigors of air travel. But i don't think I could come here all the time. Its just a bit intimidating to me. If i was a different person it wouldn't be a problem. I'm sure everyone here just thinks of themselves as a regular person. But they don't seem like it. You'd have to have a lot of money to get business class seats just for a flight overseas, considering how many cheap fares are available these days.
I read a definition of confidence I'd never heard of before recently. Confidence is trusting yourself. Everyone has confidence in certain areas, because everyone is familiar with certain things. This place is way above my comfort zone. I even went and asked the concierge where to put my dirty plates. She laughed, and told me not to worry about it, just leave it on my table. "You get waited on hand and foot here, make the most of it." They have people that come around and scoop up your dirty plates and stuff for you.
In conclusion, this is a nice place to visit but i wouldn't make it a regular thing.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
The Reverse Law of Attraction
My sister is really good at winning stuff. Im not sure how she does it nor how she's so good at it, but she always seems to be winning prizes at one thing or another, ever since we were little.
The other day we went out for lunch and were arriving back at her place to find an envelope in her mailbox (at the end of a long driveway). Since she was driving i very kindly offered to open it for her, but she would have none of it.
She opened it to discover that a competition she had entered a few weeks back, she had won a coffee maker. Of all things, a coffee maker. Since devout mormons don't drink coffee, I thought this was hilarious. On the entry form, out of a list of possible prizes, she was adamant that she had written, "anything, EXCEPT the coffee maker." and yet that was the one she'd won.
She said whenever she's entered a competition just for the heck of it thinking "thats such a dumb prize, who would want that" she tends to win it, like the small garden shed she won recently. I advised her to sell her unwanted prizes on trademe. and then to teach me how she does it.
If the law of attraction says that what you put out into the universe comes flying back at you, how come when you say you don't want something, you win it?
I started reading a book about Energy yesterday. Energy is about momentum and flow, and resisting or blocking energy, is apparently bad (according to the book, not me). Negative emotions especially impatience, fear and anger, block energy so that bad things tend to manifest in your life, and positive emotions lead to the reverse.
According to several books i've read, there are ways to harness the energy of the universe, (As a man thinketh, by James Allen, Think and Grow rich by Napoleon Hill, Tony Robbins books, The Secret etc) but none of them is particularly clear about the whole concept and how you go about doing it. I get annoyed with things that aren't clear.
The other day we went out for lunch and were arriving back at her place to find an envelope in her mailbox (at the end of a long driveway). Since she was driving i very kindly offered to open it for her, but she would have none of it.
She opened it to discover that a competition she had entered a few weeks back, she had won a coffee maker. Of all things, a coffee maker. Since devout mormons don't drink coffee, I thought this was hilarious. On the entry form, out of a list of possible prizes, she was adamant that she had written, "anything, EXCEPT the coffee maker." and yet that was the one she'd won.
She said whenever she's entered a competition just for the heck of it thinking "thats such a dumb prize, who would want that" she tends to win it, like the small garden shed she won recently. I advised her to sell her unwanted prizes on trademe. and then to teach me how she does it.
If the law of attraction says that what you put out into the universe comes flying back at you, how come when you say you don't want something, you win it?
I started reading a book about Energy yesterday. Energy is about momentum and flow, and resisting or blocking energy, is apparently bad (according to the book, not me). Negative emotions especially impatience, fear and anger, block energy so that bad things tend to manifest in your life, and positive emotions lead to the reverse.
According to several books i've read, there are ways to harness the energy of the universe, (As a man thinketh, by James Allen, Think and Grow rich by Napoleon Hill, Tony Robbins books, The Secret etc) but none of them is particularly clear about the whole concept and how you go about doing it. I get annoyed with things that aren't clear.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Passions
A talk I listened to on sunday provoked my thinking a lot.
The speaker told us about a man he met a few months ago at his "surrogate grandfathers" funeral. His surrogate grandfather was his grandmothers partner for years after his grandfather died, and at the funeral they met his 85yr old brother. Not your typical old man walking around with a hunched back and cane, he was spritely and full of life. They asked him the secret to his longevity and his enthusiasm for life.
His answer was that everyone needs 3-5 passions, things that give them energy and drive and make life worth living for them.
The speaker had since pondered on this, and his 5 were travel, languages, the gym, his studies/degree and journalling.
What are mine?
The speaker told us about a man he met a few months ago at his "surrogate grandfathers" funeral. His surrogate grandfather was his grandmothers partner for years after his grandfather died, and at the funeral they met his 85yr old brother. Not your typical old man walking around with a hunched back and cane, he was spritely and full of life. They asked him the secret to his longevity and his enthusiasm for life.
His answer was that everyone needs 3-5 passions, things that give them energy and drive and make life worth living for them.
The speaker had since pondered on this, and his 5 were travel, languages, the gym, his studies/degree and journalling.
What are mine?
Friday, November 6, 2009
Abel Tasman National Park
Ended up hang gliding and doing a Microlite flight just out of Motueka, up north of Nelson where i was staying. The guys at Tasman Sky adventures were awesome, small family business venture. Helen very kindly picked me up, Mitch dropped me off at the airport afterwards and Trevor was my pilot for the morning.
Would highly recommend to anyone, it was so beautiful up there. Am already planning my next trip back there, to the national park/marine reserve, might do a couple of day trips there.
Would highly recommend to anyone, it was so beautiful up there. Am already planning my next trip back there, to the national park/marine reserve, might do a couple of day trips there.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Action
At times, I refrain from doing anything, in the hope that its the best course of action, even though I know that it never is. 99% of the time, its probably better to do something, rather than nothing. Its my procrastinative self at work, I believe. Over the weekend, I kept thinking about Nelson, and going to Nelson. In my normal way, I was like, Oh yeah, thats a good idea, Nelson, its a nice place, maybe I can go there sometime next year. But there was this feeling, sort of like an insistent nudging that I should do it sooner rather than later. I have no idea why.
But 3 days later, here I am in Nelson, smack dab in the middle of NZ. I have no idea why I'm here. But yesterday I managed to book my flights, accomodation, even a hang gliding trip for thursday in Motueka and transport there and back. Simply the fact of taking action and doing something has made me feel a whole lot better, like i'm doing something worthwhile, even though I have no idea for what purpose.
Maybe there is no purpose. Maybe its just a test. It felt like a prompting, but maybe it wasn't a spiritual prompting, but a sub-conscious self prompting me to get out of my comfort zone and move. Movement is vitality is momentum is life. Stagnation and (opposite of movement) is death.
I had a friend in high school, his motto was Live with no regrets. I always admired him for his energy and constant action, and even though I appreciated his example, I could never bring myself to do the same thing. I considered myself more of an observer in life. But I think it would be alot more fun to be a participant, rather than sitting on the sidelines. Maybe this trip south is the first step.
But 3 days later, here I am in Nelson, smack dab in the middle of NZ. I have no idea why I'm here. But yesterday I managed to book my flights, accomodation, even a hang gliding trip for thursday in Motueka and transport there and back. Simply the fact of taking action and doing something has made me feel a whole lot better, like i'm doing something worthwhile, even though I have no idea for what purpose.
Maybe there is no purpose. Maybe its just a test. It felt like a prompting, but maybe it wasn't a spiritual prompting, but a sub-conscious self prompting me to get out of my comfort zone and move. Movement is vitality is momentum is life. Stagnation and (opposite of movement) is death.
I had a friend in high school, his motto was Live with no regrets. I always admired him for his energy and constant action, and even though I appreciated his example, I could never bring myself to do the same thing. I considered myself more of an observer in life. But I think it would be alot more fun to be a participant, rather than sitting on the sidelines. Maybe this trip south is the first step.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
The Doctrine of the Human Body part 2
The Bible talks about seventies, who go around in pairs, like travelling missionaries or ministers. There are also 70s in the body that travel around in pairs. These are the joints of the body, fingers, toes, shoulders, elbows, knees etc as well as the 32 links in the spine which support us as we walk around.
The human body is a collection of tubes, a marvellous self healing mechanism of wonders. Organs consist of tubes, some of them spherical, bone marrow is tubes,the alimentary canal is one really long tube. Only a limited number of things can happen to these tubes. They can be burned, cut, blocked, or weakened and balloon out (called an aneurysm).
Tubes need to flow, or vent themselves out on a regular basis to prevent disease.
I was told by a family friend recently that it doesn't matter what you put into your stomach it will just keep going and going and going (like some sort of superduper waste disposal unit?) The same person also told me that fasting is bad for me as my stomach needs to always have something in it or i will get an ulcer.
No machine can operate 24/7 for 70 years+ on a load of garbage without having some sort of breakdown at some point!!!! Probably not even 20 years. Servicing and repairs need to take place at some point. And given the amount of toxins, pollution, chemicals and hormones loaded into food today, the more often the servicing takes place the better.
The human body is a collection of tubes, a marvellous self healing mechanism of wonders. Organs consist of tubes, some of them spherical, bone marrow is tubes,the alimentary canal is one really long tube. Only a limited number of things can happen to these tubes. They can be burned, cut, blocked, or weakened and balloon out (called an aneurysm).
Tubes need to flow, or vent themselves out on a regular basis to prevent disease.
I was told by a family friend recently that it doesn't matter what you put into your stomach it will just keep going and going and going (like some sort of superduper waste disposal unit?) The same person also told me that fasting is bad for me as my stomach needs to always have something in it or i will get an ulcer.
No machine can operate 24/7 for 70 years+ on a load of garbage without having some sort of breakdown at some point!!!! Probably not even 20 years. Servicing and repairs need to take place at some point. And given the amount of toxins, pollution, chemicals and hormones loaded into food today, the more often the servicing takes place the better.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Colouring part 2
The 7 systems of the body are linked to ROYGBIV, the 7 colours of the rainbow. Each of these systems is linked to certain positive and negative emotions and can be assisted by eating raw whole foods in the same or opposite colour (eg red:green, orange:blue) Raw whole foods are alive, enzymatically and vibrationally. They pulse with electricity and vitality, the life force that keeps us alive. Dead foods will drag you down, sooner or later, live foods will bring you to life.
Red is the colour of fire and blood, associated with energy, power, strength, danger and love. Related to the edocrine and reproductive systems of the body, it contains the emotional molecules of trust, confidence, anger, incompetence and vitality. Foods include red apples, beetroot, cherries, watermelon, tomatoes and red capsicum.
Orange is the colour of joy, curiousity and warmth. Related to the musculoskeletal system with emotions of curiousity, joy, happiness, fear, doubt and worry. Foods include oranges, of course, carrots, pumpkin, peaches and mangoes.
Yellow is the colour of sunshine, happiness, intellect and youthful energy. Related to the lymphatic/immune system with emotions of wonder, will, anxiety, impatience, nervousness, adoration and intentionality. Foods include yellow apples, lemons, golden kiwi and pineapples.
Green is the colour of nature, growth, harmony, healing and fertility. It belongs to the digestive, eliminative system. Emotions include personal pride, self esteem, acceptance, guilt, self control, grief and arrogance. Foods include anything with chlorophyll, kiwifruit, limes, asparagus, cabbage and zucchini.
Blue is the colour of the sky and sea, a cooling colour equated with stability, loyalty, wisdom and tranquility. Blue foods include blueberries, plums and dark raisins.
Indigo is the colour of communication, linked to the circulatory system. Emotions include elation, graciousness, sadness, rejection, loneliness. Foods include blackberries, currants and grapes.
Purple combines the energy of red and the stability of blue - ambition and nobility, the colour of imagination. Emotions include serenity, contentment, gregariousness, relatedness, depression and dread. Foods include purple figs, elderberries, red cabbage, eggplant and red onions.
Red is the colour of fire and blood, associated with energy, power, strength, danger and love. Related to the edocrine and reproductive systems of the body, it contains the emotional molecules of trust, confidence, anger, incompetence and vitality. Foods include red apples, beetroot, cherries, watermelon, tomatoes and red capsicum.
Orange is the colour of joy, curiousity and warmth. Related to the musculoskeletal system with emotions of curiousity, joy, happiness, fear, doubt and worry. Foods include oranges, of course, carrots, pumpkin, peaches and mangoes.
Yellow is the colour of sunshine, happiness, intellect and youthful energy. Related to the lymphatic/immune system with emotions of wonder, will, anxiety, impatience, nervousness, adoration and intentionality. Foods include yellow apples, lemons, golden kiwi and pineapples.
Green is the colour of nature, growth, harmony, healing and fertility. It belongs to the digestive, eliminative system. Emotions include personal pride, self esteem, acceptance, guilt, self control, grief and arrogance. Foods include anything with chlorophyll, kiwifruit, limes, asparagus, cabbage and zucchini.
Blue is the colour of the sky and sea, a cooling colour equated with stability, loyalty, wisdom and tranquility. Blue foods include blueberries, plums and dark raisins.
Indigo is the colour of communication, linked to the circulatory system. Emotions include elation, graciousness, sadness, rejection, loneliness. Foods include blackberries, currants and grapes.
Purple combines the energy of red and the stability of blue - ambition and nobility, the colour of imagination. Emotions include serenity, contentment, gregariousness, relatedness, depression and dread. Foods include purple figs, elderberries, red cabbage, eggplant and red onions.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Home
I had a week off work recently. I was planning to go visit Fiji, but with multiple earthquake/tsunami warnings in the pacific over the past month, I changed my mind. I ended up back in my home town for a week. It was the best thing I could have done.
As i arrived at my one year anniversary of my current job, I reflected on how I actually feel about my job. In some ways I like it, and it gets me out of my normal comfort zone, meeting people, getting to travel cheaply being my favourite perk. But auckland still doesn't feel like home.
What makes a place home? Is it the place you lay your head on a daily basis, is it where you know people. For me its a sense of belonging, and a place where family are. The funny thing is, my hometown doesn't seem like the place where I need to be. Its like im in a strange sort of limbo, with my hometown not being the place where i need to be, and my current town not being the place I want to be.
Its my own fault really. I haven't given auckland a chance. A year here and I still hardly know anybody. Most of my spare time I'm either back visiting my family or catching up on sleep from crazy shift hours. If i knew people here, it would make living here alot more pleasant, but socializing requires alot of time and energy. I would have to make it much more of a priority. The iridologist was right, I think too much.
As i arrived at my one year anniversary of my current job, I reflected on how I actually feel about my job. In some ways I like it, and it gets me out of my normal comfort zone, meeting people, getting to travel cheaply being my favourite perk. But auckland still doesn't feel like home.
What makes a place home? Is it the place you lay your head on a daily basis, is it where you know people. For me its a sense of belonging, and a place where family are. The funny thing is, my hometown doesn't seem like the place where I need to be. Its like im in a strange sort of limbo, with my hometown not being the place where i need to be, and my current town not being the place I want to be.
Its my own fault really. I haven't given auckland a chance. A year here and I still hardly know anybody. Most of my spare time I'm either back visiting my family or catching up on sleep from crazy shift hours. If i knew people here, it would make living here alot more pleasant, but socializing requires alot of time and energy. I would have to make it much more of a priority. The iridologist was right, I think too much.
The Doctrine of the Human Body part 1
There are certain numbers which stand out a lot in the scriptures, 3, 7 and 12 for example being associated with divinity, natural order, tribes and leadership. But many of these can also be associated with our body, in itself a divinely created instrument.
Certain ancient civilisations linked these up, in the creation of sacred meals eg pulse. Those foods growing in the heavens were for the uppermost part of our body eg citrus fruit, avocados, apples, nuts; those foods growing on the surface of the earth for the centre of our body eg tomatoes, grains, grapes, legumes, broccoli, and foods growing under the earth for the lower part of our body eg onions, carrots, potatoes, ginseng.
Celestial Realm: the Sun - the Throat to the Crown of the Head
Upper Rooms: The heavens
1st heaven = Chin to nose, the tongue being the sword of truth, the larynx being the trumpet of God
2nd heaven = Nose to brow, the 2 councillors (eyes) 2nd sight
3rd heaven = Brow to crown of the head, the President, the 3rd or minds eye
7 Holes of the Head (count them!) 7 Presidents/Elders (El meaning deity, der meaning door) the Holy of Holies
12 Cranial bones = 12 apostles, tribes, sons of Israel, or months of the year
Terrestrial Realm: the Moon - the Throad to the Navel
Main Floor: The constitution
Bishop = The Heart (Pulse of the members of the body)
Bishops storehouse = stomach (Receiver of tithes and offerings)
Giver of gifts = Bowel (bow: promise and el: deity)
Deacons = 2 quorums of 12 = 24 ribs, Protectors of physical needs
Telestial: the stars - Feet to Navel
Basement : Creation
Womb of creation/resurrection
Straight and narrow way
Altar of Incense
The human body is sacred and precious. It is a gift to use while we are here, travelling through space and time, to perform a work for cosmic purposes of intelligence, light and joy forever, worlds without end.
Certain ancient civilisations linked these up, in the creation of sacred meals eg pulse. Those foods growing in the heavens were for the uppermost part of our body eg citrus fruit, avocados, apples, nuts; those foods growing on the surface of the earth for the centre of our body eg tomatoes, grains, grapes, legumes, broccoli, and foods growing under the earth for the lower part of our body eg onions, carrots, potatoes, ginseng.
Celestial Realm: the Sun - the Throat to the Crown of the Head
Upper Rooms: The heavens
1st heaven = Chin to nose, the tongue being the sword of truth, the larynx being the trumpet of God
2nd heaven = Nose to brow, the 2 councillors (eyes) 2nd sight
3rd heaven = Brow to crown of the head, the President, the 3rd or minds eye
7 Holes of the Head (count them!) 7 Presidents/Elders (El meaning deity, der meaning door) the Holy of Holies
12 Cranial bones = 12 apostles, tribes, sons of Israel, or months of the year
Terrestrial Realm: the Moon - the Throad to the Navel
Main Floor: The constitution
Bishop = The Heart (Pulse of the members of the body)
Bishops storehouse = stomach (Receiver of tithes and offerings)
Giver of gifts = Bowel (bow: promise and el: deity)
Deacons = 2 quorums of 12 = 24 ribs, Protectors of physical needs
Telestial: the stars - Feet to Navel
Basement : Creation
Womb of creation/resurrection
Straight and narrow way
Altar of Incense
The human body is sacred and precious. It is a gift to use while we are here, travelling through space and time, to perform a work for cosmic purposes of intelligence, light and joy forever, worlds without end.
The Doctrine of the Human Body part 1
There are certain numbers which stand out a lot in the scriptures, 3, 7 and 12 for example being associated with divinity, natural order, tribes and leadership. But many of these can also be associated with our body, in itself a divinely created instrument.
Certain ancient civilisations linked these up, in the creation of sacred meals eg pulse. Those foods growing in the heavens were for the uppermost part of our body eg citrus fruit, avocados, apples, nuts; those foods growing on the surface of the earth for the centre of our body eg tomatoes, grains, grapes, legumes, broccoli, and foods growing under the earth for the lower part of our body eg onions, carrots, potatoes, ginseng.
Celestial Realm: the Sun - the Throat to the Crown of the Head
Upper Rooms: The heavens
1st heaven = Chin to nose, the tongue being the sword of truth, the larynx being the trumpet of God
2nd heaven = Nose to brow, the 2 councillors (eyes) 2nd sight
3rd heaven = Brow to crown of the head, the President, the 3rd or minds eye
7 Holes of the Head (count them!) 7 Presidents/Elders (El meaning deity, der meaning door) the Holy of Holies
12 Cranial bones = 12 apostles, tribes, sons of Israel, or months of the year
Terrestrial Realm: the Moon - the Throad to the Navel
Main Floor: The constitution
Bishop = The Heart (Pulse of the members of the body)
Bishops storehouse = stomach (Receiver of tithes and offerings)
Giver of gifts = Bowel (bow: promise and el: deity)
Deacons = 2 quorums of 12 = 24 ribs, Protectors of physical needs
Telestial: the stars - Feet to Navel
Basement : Creation
Womb of creation/resurrection
Straight and narrow way
Altar of Incense
The human body is sacred and precious. It is a gift to use while we are here, travelling through space and time, to perform a work for cosmic purposes of intelligence, light and joy forever, worlds without end.
Certain ancient civilisations linked these up, in the creation of sacred meals eg pulse. Those foods growing in the heavens were for the uppermost part of our body eg citrus fruit, avocados, apples, nuts; those foods growing on the surface of the earth for the centre of our body eg tomatoes, grains, grapes, legumes, broccoli, and foods growing under the earth for the lower part of our body eg onions, carrots, potatoes, ginseng.
Celestial Realm: the Sun - the Throat to the Crown of the Head
Upper Rooms: The heavens
1st heaven = Chin to nose, the tongue being the sword of truth, the larynx being the trumpet of God
2nd heaven = Nose to brow, the 2 councillors (eyes) 2nd sight
3rd heaven = Brow to crown of the head, the President, the 3rd or minds eye
7 Holes of the Head (count them!) 7 Presidents/Elders (El meaning deity, der meaning door) the Holy of Holies
12 Cranial bones = 12 apostles, tribes, sons of Israel, or months of the year
Terrestrial Realm: the Moon - the Throad to the Navel
Main Floor: The constitution
Bishop = The Heart (Pulse of the members of the body)
Bishops storehouse = stomach (Receiver of tithes and offerings)
Giver of gifts = Bowel (bow: promise and el: deity)
Deacons = 2 quorums of 12 = 24 ribs, Protectors of physical needs
Telestial: the stars - Feet to Navel
Basement : Creation
Womb of creation/resurrection
Straight and narrow way
Altar of Incense
The human body is sacred and precious. It is a gift to use while we are here, travelling through space and time, to perform a work for cosmic purposes of intelligence, light and joy forever, worlds without end.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Colouring
Blue is a depressing colour. Calming, serene, the colour of the sky and the sea, peaceful, yet cold. Pink is a loving, affectionate colour. I like it alot better, although I'm not sure that it suits my temperament. I'm not really a sweetheart. Although I prefer purple in general. I did a colour test when I was younger, it was very simple, "If you were a colour, what colour would you be?"
I always liked purple and royal blue the best. Royal blue is a colour for creative souls, with navy blue a preferred one for businessmen and power trippers, and light blue for gentle hippie types. Black for loners and rebels, white for wall flowers who want to blend in with the world, green for healers, yellow for social butterflies (to go with having a sunny temperament, I imagine).
Red for people who want to stand out in a crowd. Orange for calm, earthy types. Purple is apparently a colour chosen by sensitive yet spiritual souls. There's a whole idealogy behind colours and their meanings and ways in which to use them (eg painting prison walls pink to calm down the inmates).
My sister and I went to a natural health expo on Saturday, she had already googled alot of the products that were on display. We discussed the pros and con's of getting aura photos taken, listening to the spiritual teachers she thought might be an antichrist, fertility treatments, colonics, tarot cards and multiple types of therapy. I got a chiropractic assessment for free, and he showed me that my spine is tilted to the left and my left leg was carrying 7kgs more than my right. Hence why the muscles in my left leg are as rigid as a clamp. But i'm getting off topic.
Part of the expo included seminars. One was called the 7 laws of the universe. I only remember the first one, which was balance. But he talked about something else i found interesting, which was light and colour therapy, using a Bioptron light. Each of the 7 systems in the body is linked to a colour of the rainbow, and in order to fix a part of that system a specific colour can be used. You can also use natural foods in those colours. For example, orange is for the digestive system, yellow for nerves, and red for vitality and reproduction.
I'm going to study more about these systems, I think they're fascinating.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Conference talks
I didn't get to see General conference at the time it was shown, but i watched a couple of the talks in hindsight, and one story jumped out at me.
I can't even remember who's talk it was but it hit me. He said every day the father who was a priest or something similar, would ask the children at the dinner table, "What did you do for someone today?"
Their reporting initially took the form of trying to outdo each other in competitive childlike fashion, but as they grew older, the desire to serve others really did grow in each of them.
I thought of that yesterday at work. A person can be motivated by duty or outward pressures, eg I have to do this because my boss is watching me, or an inward motivation or desire, eg I want to do this. Going the extra mile is not something i usually think of doing, but the talk must have got to me, because I found myself making more effort to do what I could for my passengers.
It was only a small thing, but it felt like a glimmer of light into a dark space. I don't know why I've been so depressed for the past few weeks but it hasn't been a good time at all. Maybe if i look out more for others and forget myself in the service of others, my heart will be lighter and the black shadows in my mind will recede.
I can't even remember who's talk it was but it hit me. He said every day the father who was a priest or something similar, would ask the children at the dinner table, "What did you do for someone today?"
Their reporting initially took the form of trying to outdo each other in competitive childlike fashion, but as they grew older, the desire to serve others really did grow in each of them.
I thought of that yesterday at work. A person can be motivated by duty or outward pressures, eg I have to do this because my boss is watching me, or an inward motivation or desire, eg I want to do this. Going the extra mile is not something i usually think of doing, but the talk must have got to me, because I found myself making more effort to do what I could for my passengers.
It was only a small thing, but it felt like a glimmer of light into a dark space. I don't know why I've been so depressed for the past few weeks but it hasn't been a good time at all. Maybe if i look out more for others and forget myself in the service of others, my heart will be lighter and the black shadows in my mind will recede.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Sickness
I was going to go on a cruise today across to the Coromandel Peninsula, but seem to have come down with some sort sickness, akin to a cold or possibly healing crisis given that i've been living on fruits, veges and nuts for the last 3 days. Hopefully today will be the worst of it, as day 3 usually is.
Asian supermarkets, I have decided are the cheapest sellers of fruit around. I only discovered the local one a week ago and the prices there are the same or better than the Sandringham market twice a week that i usually try to go to, when my work schedule permits.
Owing to the fact that I feel horrible i shouldn't really be making plans to drive back to hamilton, but seeing my mum always makes me feel better. And i have to carry my nephews very oversized present back to him. But he won't see it til christmas. But I think he'll really like it.
Asian supermarkets, I have decided are the cheapest sellers of fruit around. I only discovered the local one a week ago and the prices there are the same or better than the Sandringham market twice a week that i usually try to go to, when my work schedule permits.
Owing to the fact that I feel horrible i shouldn't really be making plans to drive back to hamilton, but seeing my mum always makes me feel better. And i have to carry my nephews very oversized present back to him. But he won't see it til christmas. But I think he'll really like it.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Thoughts of the moment
I'm going to Sydney in two months. Mostly to see my friend who just came to see me, but also because I have leave right then and I want to go somewhere, and its just convenient having cheap flights and a free place to stay in another country. They also seem to have really yummy pineapples in australia, much better than the ones here, and fruit is not a thing you can just carry into new zealand, you get in big trouble for things like that.
Today i went to a wedding. It was lovely. Radiant bride, bashful groom, he wrote his wife a song and pre-recorded it to use as their first dance song, lots of family, yummy food. And yet after I left i felt kind of hollow. Its a weird feeling, feeling like that. I can't quite explain it.
I turn 30 this year. I hope i'm not going to have a psycho mental breakdown, like my flatmate did when she hit 30. I have heard (remembering some random voice in my past) that 30 to 35 is when a person is in the prime of their life. I would like to believe that, since there isn't much else to look forward to otherwise. Going downhill from 25 is an unappealing idea, pushing it back to going downhill from 35 is much more preferable, thats a leeway of a whole other 5 years.
I went on a blind date a couple of weeks ago. He said he would call. He hasn't. I'm not quite sure what to take from that. Is it more a reflection on me or on him?
I'm wondering the outcome of the game against the Springboks. We could see and hear the game fireworks from our house far from the stadium, and i could also hear african singing, i thought it was from the church because I had totally forgotten about the game. Apparently the Springboks hung out in the gold coast for the last few days because they said Hamilton is boring and theres nothing to do here, which prompted widespread news coverage and radio talkback of the pro's and con's of being in Hamilton. I'm sure there was much animated discussion though I didn't hear any of it because I don't have a radio (except in my car, AM only) and the tv is in the house not the sleepout where I am.
I lost my watch on wednesday. Its a small thing but it was very gutting at the time. I was in Lynn mall and I have no idea at what point it fell off. I retraced my steps insofar as I could remember them but no gold glimmer did I see. I've had that watch for nearly 10 years it was very disappointing to lose it. My wrist feels naked but I don't want to rush out and get a replacement. Strange, I've never mourned the loss of an object before.
I emailed an elder from my mission to ask if he had a group photo from this time we had a get together, and he said he did but wasn't sure where all his mission photos were since they moved. Then his wife, who was my companion, emailed me and said, You just have to ask the right person, I know where the photos are, I'll send you a copy, and voila there it was. I thought it was hilarious that he had no clue where any of his stuff was and she knew exactly where it was.
Tonight my sister was going out saturday night shopping and gave me a pointed look and I asked if i could go for a ride. When we got into the car she said she had wanted to ask if i wanted to come but didn't want to say it out loud, in case her visitors thought she was talking to them. So she tried to telepathically project it to me. We've never had telepathy between ourselves, despite being twins, so it was quite cool that it worked. I just all of a sudden noticed she was leaving and had a strong desire to go too.
This entry feels more like a journal entry than any post i've ever written before. I feel like i've said to much about a whole lot of nothing, and yet I feel better for having gotten it out of my system.
Today i went to a wedding. It was lovely. Radiant bride, bashful groom, he wrote his wife a song and pre-recorded it to use as their first dance song, lots of family, yummy food. And yet after I left i felt kind of hollow. Its a weird feeling, feeling like that. I can't quite explain it.
I turn 30 this year. I hope i'm not going to have a psycho mental breakdown, like my flatmate did when she hit 30. I have heard (remembering some random voice in my past) that 30 to 35 is when a person is in the prime of their life. I would like to believe that, since there isn't much else to look forward to otherwise. Going downhill from 25 is an unappealing idea, pushing it back to going downhill from 35 is much more preferable, thats a leeway of a whole other 5 years.
I went on a blind date a couple of weeks ago. He said he would call. He hasn't. I'm not quite sure what to take from that. Is it more a reflection on me or on him?
I'm wondering the outcome of the game against the Springboks. We could see and hear the game fireworks from our house far from the stadium, and i could also hear african singing, i thought it was from the church because I had totally forgotten about the game. Apparently the Springboks hung out in the gold coast for the last few days because they said Hamilton is boring and theres nothing to do here, which prompted widespread news coverage and radio talkback of the pro's and con's of being in Hamilton. I'm sure there was much animated discussion though I didn't hear any of it because I don't have a radio (except in my car, AM only) and the tv is in the house not the sleepout where I am.
I lost my watch on wednesday. Its a small thing but it was very gutting at the time. I was in Lynn mall and I have no idea at what point it fell off. I retraced my steps insofar as I could remember them but no gold glimmer did I see. I've had that watch for nearly 10 years it was very disappointing to lose it. My wrist feels naked but I don't want to rush out and get a replacement. Strange, I've never mourned the loss of an object before.
I emailed an elder from my mission to ask if he had a group photo from this time we had a get together, and he said he did but wasn't sure where all his mission photos were since they moved. Then his wife, who was my companion, emailed me and said, You just have to ask the right person, I know where the photos are, I'll send you a copy, and voila there it was. I thought it was hilarious that he had no clue where any of his stuff was and she knew exactly where it was.
Tonight my sister was going out saturday night shopping and gave me a pointed look and I asked if i could go for a ride. When we got into the car she said she had wanted to ask if i wanted to come but didn't want to say it out loud, in case her visitors thought she was talking to them. So she tried to telepathically project it to me. We've never had telepathy between ourselves, despite being twins, so it was quite cool that it worked. I just all of a sudden noticed she was leaving and had a strong desire to go too.
This entry feels more like a journal entry than any post i've ever written before. I feel like i've said to much about a whole lot of nothing, and yet I feel better for having gotten it out of my system.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Goat Island
My friend Hollie is visiting me this week from australia, well she's working here as well. Today we went up to Goat island and she convinced me to go snorkeling for the first time ever. Goat Island is a beautiful protected marine reserve full of fish of all kinds, sea life and sting rays. Luckily we didn't see any sting rays. I also got to wear a wetsuit for the first time, that was an experience in and of itself.
We headed out into the water following some advice from divers who were just coming in from the water, swam around looking at all the fish. Saw a mangled penguin lying at the bottom of the ocean, a guy in a kayak offered to show us where some crayfish were. We followed him but since he said they were well under a rock we opted to not try and see them.
On our way back in we were on the lookout for sting rays, but Im quite glad we didn't encounter any, as I really think I would have panicked, thinking of Steven Irwins untimely death.
There were a lot of jellyfish in the water, I got a big fright the first time i looked up and there was one right by my head almost in my hair. There were a lot of purple and clear veined ones on the way back into the beach. By the time i got there my ankles and calves were so sore from using the flippers, i was relieved to get back on land.
Beautiful weather, and a novel experience, what more could you want?
We headed out into the water following some advice from divers who were just coming in from the water, swam around looking at all the fish. Saw a mangled penguin lying at the bottom of the ocean, a guy in a kayak offered to show us where some crayfish were. We followed him but since he said they were well under a rock we opted to not try and see them.
On our way back in we were on the lookout for sting rays, but Im quite glad we didn't encounter any, as I really think I would have panicked, thinking of Steven Irwins untimely death.
There were a lot of jellyfish in the water, I got a big fright the first time i looked up and there was one right by my head almost in my hair. There were a lot of purple and clear veined ones on the way back into the beach. By the time i got there my ankles and calves were so sore from using the flippers, i was relieved to get back on land.
Beautiful weather, and a novel experience, what more could you want?
Friday, August 21, 2009
Naturopathics
I went to see an iridologist yesterday. It was not what I expected at all. Apparently I'm stressed and perfectionistic and take after my fathers mother genetically. Which was news to me, since I've always thought I take after my mothers side, being white and all.
I don't know that much about my father's birth mother, since he was taken in as a baby by his aunty, his mother having TB when he was born, later he was adopted by his aunty and her husband, they raised him. She's still alive and well, which is a good thing for me, i can now expect to live a long and healthy life as long as my nerves dont kill me first.
He said i'm completely exhausted underneath my overwork mode, constantly busy, funnily enough thats the only thing I know about my grandma, every time i've ever seen her she's been busy, running around doing everything. I told the iridologist that, he said thats me. Drained of essential minerals like potassium, calcium and magnesium. All the "iums" apparently.
He also said i'm a crossover girl. Apparently that means I'm not a girly girl, i'm a practical girl. He said the two don't really mix. When i thought about it, yes, girly girls in my mind, come across as silly, giggly and airheaded. And annoying. They apparently suit "manly men." He described manly men as ones who play team sports and always want to be with the boys. My brother in law broke his leg playing rugby the week before his wedding. I guess that makes him a manly man, although I'm not sure if my sister is a girly girl. She doesn't annoy me.
He said I need to find a crossover guy. Someone interesting who can hold a conversation. That sounded like a good thing. He said to rule out anyone who has ever played rugby. Will see.
He prescribed me some salts for my adrenals and nerves, clicked my back and neck into place and gave me some kind of herbs for my intestinal tract. I have to take a lot of pills, which goes against what I have believed for the past couple of years, even if they are herbs it still seems wrong to me. But i'm struggling to remain open minded about the whole thing.
I don't know that much about my father's birth mother, since he was taken in as a baby by his aunty, his mother having TB when he was born, later he was adopted by his aunty and her husband, they raised him. She's still alive and well, which is a good thing for me, i can now expect to live a long and healthy life as long as my nerves dont kill me first.
He said i'm completely exhausted underneath my overwork mode, constantly busy, funnily enough thats the only thing I know about my grandma, every time i've ever seen her she's been busy, running around doing everything. I told the iridologist that, he said thats me. Drained of essential minerals like potassium, calcium and magnesium. All the "iums" apparently.
He also said i'm a crossover girl. Apparently that means I'm not a girly girl, i'm a practical girl. He said the two don't really mix. When i thought about it, yes, girly girls in my mind, come across as silly, giggly and airheaded. And annoying. They apparently suit "manly men." He described manly men as ones who play team sports and always want to be with the boys. My brother in law broke his leg playing rugby the week before his wedding. I guess that makes him a manly man, although I'm not sure if my sister is a girly girl. She doesn't annoy me.
He said I need to find a crossover guy. Someone interesting who can hold a conversation. That sounded like a good thing. He said to rule out anyone who has ever played rugby. Will see.
He prescribed me some salts for my adrenals and nerves, clicked my back and neck into place and gave me some kind of herbs for my intestinal tract. I have to take a lot of pills, which goes against what I have believed for the past couple of years, even if they are herbs it still seems wrong to me. But i'm struggling to remain open minded about the whole thing.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Family History
I'm trying to put together a nice little booklet about some of my family tree. The descendants of Eleanor and Henry Hoyte, my 3rd great grandparents, or something along those lines. I emailed a lady with the same last name yesterday and she forwareded my email to someone who emailed me back. He's the oldest son of Charles, the oldest sons eldest son. I'm hoping he has the family bible, or at least would know where it is.
Then I wrote a letter to probably the last living descendants of Henry and Eleanors youngest son. He was the only one born in NZ and was the youngest of the family by 10yrs. (My 3rd great grandma, Mary Ella is the youngest daughter). He got married and had 4 children, but only one of those children had kids of their own.
On monday I found out that the oldest son Charles still has a daughter living. I was quite surprised as I assumed she had already died. We hadn't been able to find her because she remarried sometime after her first husband passed away in 1981. I found her new name on her brothers obituarity notice in the newspaper, looked her up in last years electoral roll, found her phone number and gave her a call. Shes 96 years old. She was very deaf, but very cute. And she told me I can come visit her.
She lives in Tauranga, but my grandma's two sisters live there as well, so Mum and I are planning to go over there as soon as we can.
Then I wrote a letter to probably the last living descendants of Henry and Eleanors youngest son. He was the only one born in NZ and was the youngest of the family by 10yrs. (My 3rd great grandma, Mary Ella is the youngest daughter). He got married and had 4 children, but only one of those children had kids of their own.
On monday I found out that the oldest son Charles still has a daughter living. I was quite surprised as I assumed she had already died. We hadn't been able to find her because she remarried sometime after her first husband passed away in 1981. I found her new name on her brothers obituarity notice in the newspaper, looked her up in last years electoral roll, found her phone number and gave her a call. Shes 96 years old. She was very deaf, but very cute. And she told me I can come visit her.
She lives in Tauranga, but my grandma's two sisters live there as well, so Mum and I are planning to go over there as soon as we can.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Chocolate is my only addiction
I'm sick at home with a cold today, and yet, all I can think about is chocolate.
Chocolate sauce, cookies and cream chocolate, toblerone, whittakers almond gold slabs, guylian seashell chocolates, m&m's and chocolate chip cookies. Come to think of it I think i have some of those in my room downstairs. gotta go...
Chocolate sauce, cookies and cream chocolate, toblerone, whittakers almond gold slabs, guylian seashell chocolates, m&m's and chocolate chip cookies. Come to think of it I think i have some of those in my room downstairs. gotta go...
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Socialising
I've been quite anti social since I moved to auckland. The other friday was an attempt to curb that habit. I went to my old flatmates tupperware party. There must have been 20 women there, most of whom i hadn't met before. The girl who I replaced in the flat was the demonstrator for the party. She started getting slightly intimidated when the 20th person walked through the door.
It was very informative, and they demonstrated a few items I had seen before when my friend was a demonstrator, but i had never actually observed them being used. I was very impressed with them. Especially the cake decorating instrument that the hostess insisted would not work until she tried it and realized she was wrong.
But at the end of the night I realized something about myself. I'm actually perfectly happy to be around people and not mix with them. Maybe its part of being an introvert, but i find small talk really draining and i'd much rather not do it.
I did used to hate being in crowds, especially where they're centred around food. Since i got rid of some of my anxieties I don't have a problem with being in crowds anymore, but i'd just rather not mix with heaps of people i don't know. ie its bearable, but i don't like to make a habit of it. I much prefer being with one or two people at a time.
I tend to think of myself as a quiet person, but I was catching up with a friend in tauranga a couple of weeks ago, and she said that I'm only quiet in comparison to my other friends, who are extremely confident and chatty people. She said when i'm around people who are not so talkative, I can actually be quite bubbly and talkative. I said thats coz i'm not entirely comfortable with people who don't talk, so i end up doing all the talking myself.
My sister hardly ever talks, so when i'm with her I pretty much talk non stop. Its not that she has nothing to say, just that shes used to me talking her ear off. We've had our whole lives to get used to each other. If i want her to talk, questioning her doesn't work. I've only figured out in the last few years, that if I want her to talk, I have to remain quiet for at least an hour. Then she usually starts telling me whats going on with her. I think I need to learn to listen more.
It was very informative, and they demonstrated a few items I had seen before when my friend was a demonstrator, but i had never actually observed them being used. I was very impressed with them. Especially the cake decorating instrument that the hostess insisted would not work until she tried it and realized she was wrong.
But at the end of the night I realized something about myself. I'm actually perfectly happy to be around people and not mix with them. Maybe its part of being an introvert, but i find small talk really draining and i'd much rather not do it.
I did used to hate being in crowds, especially where they're centred around food. Since i got rid of some of my anxieties I don't have a problem with being in crowds anymore, but i'd just rather not mix with heaps of people i don't know. ie its bearable, but i don't like to make a habit of it. I much prefer being with one or two people at a time.
I tend to think of myself as a quiet person, but I was catching up with a friend in tauranga a couple of weeks ago, and she said that I'm only quiet in comparison to my other friends, who are extremely confident and chatty people. She said when i'm around people who are not so talkative, I can actually be quite bubbly and talkative. I said thats coz i'm not entirely comfortable with people who don't talk, so i end up doing all the talking myself.
My sister hardly ever talks, so when i'm with her I pretty much talk non stop. Its not that she has nothing to say, just that shes used to me talking her ear off. We've had our whole lives to get used to each other. If i want her to talk, questioning her doesn't work. I've only figured out in the last few years, that if I want her to talk, I have to remain quiet for at least an hour. Then she usually starts telling me whats going on with her. I think I need to learn to listen more.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Free Questioning
I write myself a question with my usual writing hand (my left for me) and answer it with the wrong hand. This way I get the answers from my subconscious, the things that come out are usually quite startling to say the least. I get all sorts of information about the things that are going on underneath my conscious awareness.
How do I feel now?
What has caused me to feel this way?
What is this attached to/when have I felt this way before?
At that time, what lie did I take on as truth?
How has this belief manifested throughout my life?
What is the truth?
How do I feel now?
I’m not sure that I want to put the experiences that I had down, because although I’ve worked through them personally, and they don’t hold any more pain or hurt for me, they might upset certain people who may one day read this. But its definitely not intended to offend.
To be continued...
How do I feel now?
What has caused me to feel this way?
What is this attached to/when have I felt this way before?
At that time, what lie did I take on as truth?
How has this belief manifested throughout my life?
What is the truth?
How do I feel now?
I’m not sure that I want to put the experiences that I had down, because although I’ve worked through them personally, and they don’t hold any more pain or hurt for me, they might upset certain people who may one day read this. But its definitely not intended to offend.
To be continued...
Lately
Don't seem to write much here when i'm in a neutral mood, only when i'm very upset or very happy. Got called in for jury duty on monday and my name was drawn for a 5wk case starting tomorrow. Hoping I don't get on coz i have a mission companion coming to stay with me in a couple of weeks from oz.
In any case i think i've got a cold coming on, sore throat, swollen glands, fever. I'm not in a fit state decide whether someone is guilty or not.
We found a big box of grandmas genealogy research last wk. Heaps of it was what i've been searching for over the past 7 months, but it did confirm a lot of what i'd found. Wrote a letter to one of the living descendants of one of my relatives, will see if anything comes of it.
In any case i think i've got a cold coming on, sore throat, swollen glands, fever. I'm not in a fit state decide whether someone is guilty or not.
We found a big box of grandmas genealogy research last wk. Heaps of it was what i've been searching for over the past 7 months, but it did confirm a lot of what i'd found. Wrote a letter to one of the living descendants of one of my relatives, will see if anything comes of it.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Inner Work
Thinking about my blog lately, what do I want it to be?
Thoughts, feelings, ideas, the incoherent babblings of my subconscious mind, a means for personal growth?
I did a lot of inner work last year. I read a book called Feelings once buried never die. It included the idea that our physical bodies manifest disease due to underlying pain from past unresolved experiences, which teach us subjective lies such as “I am not enough”, which then have a ripple effect throughout our lives in childhood, going on into adulthood. Saying ‘get over it’ is not really an effective cure for what ails me. Even though it seems to go against wisdom, I have learnt that the only way to release negative emotions is to go back into them and allow them to flow through me. Resisting the feelings only makes them stronger.
When I resist thinking about someone who just broke up with me because it hurts, the feelings don’t go away, they just get stronger, regardless of how much I try to deny or ignore them. Its like being locked in a boxing ring where you can’t leave until its sorted and you’re forced to fight against your will, the feelings keep trying to surface and I keep trying to quell them. The best way to stop yourself feeling is to stop breathing. It’s a good way of deadening one self to the pain. Or just an effective denial mechanism.
The simplest way to feel what you need to feel to get through something is to take lots of deep breaths, meditate if you need to and allow the emotions to well up. It’s one of the most excruciating things I’ve ever been through in my life. The first few times were the worst, as though I had a whole life time of pain and anguish to live through again. I have no idea how the Saviour managed to do that for everyone. I could barely even handle my own issues. And I had someone with me, whereas He had to do it alone. But once I had felt it and allowed it to pass through me it was like walking out through a dark tunnel into a light.
A burden had been lifted off me. I’ve never felt so extraordinarily lightened in my whole entire life that I can remember. What an incredible blessing.
Thoughts, feelings, ideas, the incoherent babblings of my subconscious mind, a means for personal growth?
I did a lot of inner work last year. I read a book called Feelings once buried never die. It included the idea that our physical bodies manifest disease due to underlying pain from past unresolved experiences, which teach us subjective lies such as “I am not enough”, which then have a ripple effect throughout our lives in childhood, going on into adulthood. Saying ‘get over it’ is not really an effective cure for what ails me. Even though it seems to go against wisdom, I have learnt that the only way to release negative emotions is to go back into them and allow them to flow through me. Resisting the feelings only makes them stronger.
When I resist thinking about someone who just broke up with me because it hurts, the feelings don’t go away, they just get stronger, regardless of how much I try to deny or ignore them. Its like being locked in a boxing ring where you can’t leave until its sorted and you’re forced to fight against your will, the feelings keep trying to surface and I keep trying to quell them. The best way to stop yourself feeling is to stop breathing. It’s a good way of deadening one self to the pain. Or just an effective denial mechanism.
The simplest way to feel what you need to feel to get through something is to take lots of deep breaths, meditate if you need to and allow the emotions to well up. It’s one of the most excruciating things I’ve ever been through in my life. The first few times were the worst, as though I had a whole life time of pain and anguish to live through again. I have no idea how the Saviour managed to do that for everyone. I could barely even handle my own issues. And I had someone with me, whereas He had to do it alone. But once I had felt it and allowed it to pass through me it was like walking out through a dark tunnel into a light.
A burden had been lifted off me. I’ve never felt so extraordinarily lightened in my whole entire life that I can remember. What an incredible blessing.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Memories of Tauranga
When I was little we used to go camping on a regular basis to Tauranga. It was a different place back then, simple and much less hyped up tourist-commercial. We would put up a tent outside my great grandparents old house, where my dad used to spend many summers growing up, and he would revel in our terror as he recounted his own personal ghost story from when he was young. It was where he was born, and so for that reason, when i moved there 6 years ago it felt like i was going back to my roots. Not really "home" but to a place that I had a connection to.
I went back a couple of days ago, but for a different purpose. Catching up with friends was part of it, but it turns out my ties with this place are much more far reaching than I had imagined. My 3rd great grandparents emigrated from Ireland in 1875 and settled temporarily in Katikati before moving to Tauranga where they lived, died and were buried. I found their headstone two days ago, the place where their mortal remains are, and had a strong sense of something hard to describe, possibly kinship.
Their daughter youngest Mary Ella married the son of a military man, Captain Archibald Turner, who is buried in the old mission cemetery overlooking the harbour bridge, ocean and Mauao. Archibald was a military brat, raised in canada, married an orphaned french girl and dragged his family off to this new country, initially serving in the Maori wars and becoming a surveyor when he was off duty. His oldest son Charles followed in his footsteps, becoming a surveyor and was in the tour group that went to see what remained of the Pink and White terraces after they were destroyed in a volcanic eruption.
While i was in the Tauranga library I noticed they're having a writing competition, called Memories of Tauranga, for true stories to be included in an anthology of stories about Tauranga. I'm sure I could write something decent, since i feel so strongly connected to the place, both on my white and brown side. So the above is some initial thoughts that I have put down as my "pre-writing" phase before I get down to the actual essay I'm going to write. I wish me luck.
I went back a couple of days ago, but for a different purpose. Catching up with friends was part of it, but it turns out my ties with this place are much more far reaching than I had imagined. My 3rd great grandparents emigrated from Ireland in 1875 and settled temporarily in Katikati before moving to Tauranga where they lived, died and were buried. I found their headstone two days ago, the place where their mortal remains are, and had a strong sense of something hard to describe, possibly kinship.
Their daughter youngest Mary Ella married the son of a military man, Captain Archibald Turner, who is buried in the old mission cemetery overlooking the harbour bridge, ocean and Mauao. Archibald was a military brat, raised in canada, married an orphaned french girl and dragged his family off to this new country, initially serving in the Maori wars and becoming a surveyor when he was off duty. His oldest son Charles followed in his footsteps, becoming a surveyor and was in the tour group that went to see what remained of the Pink and White terraces after they were destroyed in a volcanic eruption.
While i was in the Tauranga library I noticed they're having a writing competition, called Memories of Tauranga, for true stories to be included in an anthology of stories about Tauranga. I'm sure I could write something decent, since i feel so strongly connected to the place, both on my white and brown side. So the above is some initial thoughts that I have put down as my "pre-writing" phase before I get down to the actual essay I'm going to write. I wish me luck.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Christchurch
I always thought Cathedral square would be easy to find, you hear so much about it on the news. One hour of wandering around the central city and I never came across it. I guess I should take my map book next time. Or maybe ask someone. I did see a lot of old churches though, and some of the old fashioned Dr Who phone boxes that you don't see so much anymore. The river is beautiful, even though the trees around it are leafless and brown, and theres an old fashioned dandelion type water fountain that reminds me of the ones I grew up with in Hamilton.
I want to go for a tram ride. I think I'll do that sometime tomorrow. And I want to go check out the canterbury museum, I hear good things about it. If i had more time and a car I would go see Hamner springs. Its cold down this way but not a chilling pervasive windy cold like Wellington. More of a slow steady cold, if you can describe cold as a movement rather than a temperature. I'm only here for a few days, but so far I'm enjoying it.
I want to go for a tram ride. I think I'll do that sometime tomorrow. And I want to go check out the canterbury museum, I hear good things about it. If i had more time and a car I would go see Hamner springs. Its cold down this way but not a chilling pervasive windy cold like Wellington. More of a slow steady cold, if you can describe cold as a movement rather than a temperature. I'm only here for a few days, but so far I'm enjoying it.
The Beauty of Language
I think that it becomes easier to appreciate the intricacies of language once you start learning a second or even a third one. Trying to express oneself in a medium other than ones own native tongue can be frustrating, distressing and hilarious (for the listeners that is). It can also open one up to have empathy for others who may be struggling with english. For me I was grateful I learned english first because its probably the worst language (with the possible exception of certain asian or scandinavian languages) to learn as a second or third language. All the rules that we break in every other sentence. At least french sticks to its rules 90% of the time.
When my brother hit teenagehood he and his friends began warping our native tongue to use words in ways for which they were not originally intended, sort of twisting words into sentence structures you wouldn't normally hear them in. It was intriguing listening to them, I wish I could think of some examples of the words that they used, but I can't. One day I attempted to bring it to his attention... "You know, when you and your friends talk, you use ordinary words in really different ways..." He looked at me blankly. I looked at my sister to help me explain, she did a much better job, I think she actually thought of an example. Then he got what we were talking about. He moved out of home not long after so I couldn't keep listening.
But thats what I like about english. A person can do their own thing with the language, and most of the time people (provided they're not english teachers) will get what they're on about. Next thing you'll hear people mimicking them all over the place. Young people like to be different, and ahead of others, and language is just one of the ways a person can do that.
When my brother hit teenagehood he and his friends began warping our native tongue to use words in ways for which they were not originally intended, sort of twisting words into sentence structures you wouldn't normally hear them in. It was intriguing listening to them, I wish I could think of some examples of the words that they used, but I can't. One day I attempted to bring it to his attention... "You know, when you and your friends talk, you use ordinary words in really different ways..." He looked at me blankly. I looked at my sister to help me explain, she did a much better job, I think she actually thought of an example. Then he got what we were talking about. He moved out of home not long after so I couldn't keep listening.
But thats what I like about english. A person can do their own thing with the language, and most of the time people (provided they're not english teachers) will get what they're on about. Next thing you'll hear people mimicking them all over the place. Young people like to be different, and ahead of others, and language is just one of the ways a person can do that.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Weta Cave
I went to see the Weta cave on saturday. I heard it was just a store before I went, but it was much better than I thought it would be. I spent the whole time we were there taking photos of LOTR figurines. I especially liked the little Hobbit leaf brooches that they had on their cloaks, and the Arwen necklace. They showed a video of the creation of Weta studios and some of the movies that they had helped work on. I didn't even know they had helped with King Kong.
Then we drove around and our friend pointed out the top secret Weta studios which have no signage on them, I think for security reasons. I guess its a good idea. We looked around Miramar and Seatoun and drove around the coast line. Its good when you're in a car and not outside in the blowing wind.
I went to see a movie at the Embassy theatre today. I highly recommend going there just for the experience. Beautifully furnished everything, very old fashioned, very well put together. Transformers 2 wasn't bad either.
Then we drove around and our friend pointed out the top secret Weta studios which have no signage on them, I think for security reasons. I guess its a good idea. We looked around Miramar and Seatoun and drove around the coast line. Its good when you're in a car and not outside in the blowing wind.
I went to see a movie at the Embassy theatre today. I highly recommend going there just for the experience. Beautifully furnished everything, very old fashioned, very well put together. Transformers 2 wasn't bad either.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
The Tenth Insight
I really like books, people and things which/who stimulate my mind and get the mental juices flowing with ideas, thoughts and memories. 2 days ago i picked up a book off the shelf which I bought 10 yrs ago and never read - maybe the time wasn't right then. The 10th insight by James Redfield. I read its prequel The Celestine Prophecy 10yrs ago and watched the movie for it last year, but only just got around to this one. and coudln't put it down. Its quite rare I come across a book i can't put down because I'm quite fussy when it comes to reading in general, although I do sometimes just read a book so i can get to the end and know what happens in it.
I was thinking last night about how much i loathe book reviews and the snotty way in which most of them seem to be written, and asking myself what i would prefer to see in a book review. Personally i think i would like to know what someone else got out of a book, what insights they gained. Even though anyone reading a book would get something different to what someone else would get, I think for me, that would be a good measuring stick to use in determining whether or not I want to read something else. I like taking other peoples book recommendations.
This book provoked alot of curiousity in me. No doubt i will write more than one post on what i learned. The first thing that got me was the discussion of the birth vision.
What if i could remember why i chose to be born at the era that I did, the country I did, the family unit i did and especially the unique combination of parents I did? What if i specifically chose those two individuals to help me on the path I needed to follow in life? A mission only I could accomplish? What if i intended into my life, people whose personalities and characters would help me overcome my own natural tendencies to shut myself off from the world and avoid people in general?
If i could remember the mission I came here to perform, would it make my life easier or harder? As a child I definately felt that there was something I was here to do here on terra firma, yet 20 years on I still don't have a clue what.
The birth vision is a remembering of the choices we made before we came here, our glimpse of the best case scenario for our sojourn on this planet, even choices that don't make sense here on earth, such as coming into an abusive or violent family situation.
I was thinking last night about how much i loathe book reviews and the snotty way in which most of them seem to be written, and asking myself what i would prefer to see in a book review. Personally i think i would like to know what someone else got out of a book, what insights they gained. Even though anyone reading a book would get something different to what someone else would get, I think for me, that would be a good measuring stick to use in determining whether or not I want to read something else. I like taking other peoples book recommendations.
This book provoked alot of curiousity in me. No doubt i will write more than one post on what i learned. The first thing that got me was the discussion of the birth vision.
What if i could remember why i chose to be born at the era that I did, the country I did, the family unit i did and especially the unique combination of parents I did? What if i specifically chose those two individuals to help me on the path I needed to follow in life? A mission only I could accomplish? What if i intended into my life, people whose personalities and characters would help me overcome my own natural tendencies to shut myself off from the world and avoid people in general?
If i could remember the mission I came here to perform, would it make my life easier or harder? As a child I definately felt that there was something I was here to do here on terra firma, yet 20 years on I still don't have a clue what.
The birth vision is a remembering of the choices we made before we came here, our glimpse of the best case scenario for our sojourn on this planet, even choices that don't make sense here on earth, such as coming into an abusive or violent family situation.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Heritage
I had the opportunity a couple of days ago to look through a box of my grandpa's old things. Having never known my grandfather, he passed away even before my mother got married, I was curious to see what was in there, especially not really knowing what sort of person he was, except for the odd comments from my mother. My grandmother never really mentioned him to me while she was alive.
The box contained a lot of ribbons he had won from keeping pigeons. Also a diagram of a saddle that he designed, which his employer got all the credit for. And among many things, letters he had written to my grandmother while she was away. I don't know why she was away, somewhere with the children, but he sounded lonely. It was saddening to read the letters, and wonder why they were separated and why there were no replies from my grandmother. Did they even get along at all?
Mum said they were originally set up on a blind date. Grandpa apparently had a thing against red heads. Grandma was a redhead. Obviously he liked her anyway because he talked her into marrying him. Apparently they lived some distance apart, and grandma went down there to tell him it was all over between them, and on that same trip that they ended up getting married. Go figure.
But I wondered at the end of going through the box... 30 years after I'm dead, is that all my life is going to be reduced to? One box of things to show my sojourn on this planet earth. Just a few papers, momentos and nicknacks? What else could one leave on the planet that would prove one had led a useful and meaningful life? The answer eludes me for now, but I'm sure i'll figure it out eventually.
The box contained a lot of ribbons he had won from keeping pigeons. Also a diagram of a saddle that he designed, which his employer got all the credit for. And among many things, letters he had written to my grandmother while she was away. I don't know why she was away, somewhere with the children, but he sounded lonely. It was saddening to read the letters, and wonder why they were separated and why there were no replies from my grandmother. Did they even get along at all?
Mum said they were originally set up on a blind date. Grandpa apparently had a thing against red heads. Grandma was a redhead. Obviously he liked her anyway because he talked her into marrying him. Apparently they lived some distance apart, and grandma went down there to tell him it was all over between them, and on that same trip that they ended up getting married. Go figure.
But I wondered at the end of going through the box... 30 years after I'm dead, is that all my life is going to be reduced to? One box of things to show my sojourn on this planet earth. Just a few papers, momentos and nicknacks? What else could one leave on the planet that would prove one had led a useful and meaningful life? The answer eludes me for now, but I'm sure i'll figure it out eventually.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Saturdays Warrior
I had of course heard of this show growing up, with a vague idea that it was a musical, so I finally got the chance to see it yesterday. It was much cheesier than I expected. A warm and fuzzy feel good family movie. Maybe I would have liked it better if I had a large family. Or if i remembered the 80's better. (Dance moves and costuming, may we never go back to that era!!!) The music wasn't very pretty either. It did have a good message though. Don't base the size of your family on the possibility of depleting the earths natural resources. They used to have huge families a century or so ago, today people can barely manage 2.7kids each. One of my friends is the oldest girl in a family of 14 kids. She said it was mostly good growing up in a large family but I always felt for her, because it seemed like she had to be the second mother to all of them. They talk about baby boomers hitting retirement and there not being enough of a working population to cover all their retirement pensions, and Im not sure what to think about it, except that the world has bought all its problems on itself, and we will be the ones to pay for it all. Suck
Saturday, June 20, 2009
EQ
Had to go on a course for work the other day all about customer service and dealing with difficult situations. Emotional Intelligence, making peace and resolving issues. Had a lot of problems to deal with for some reason, more than usual. Had one man arrive just after a couple that took forever and say to me "dont worry, I'll only be a few minutes." Half an hour later, he was still at my counter waiting for a printout of his itinerary to arrive. If you're travelling into any of the pacific islands, you have to have a copy of your ticket out of the country, unless you're
a national of that country.
For some reason i can have a lot of people harass me and cause me stress and it doesn't really affect me at all, but then there can just be that one person that pushes me over the edge. I checked in a young mother with two little girls, she seemed really nice, until I had to go to my supervisor to get her seat changed so that she was sitting with her daughters.
When I got back and handed her boarding passes to her she turned weird, slamming stuff down and scowling. I went to tag her baby seat so she could take it to the fragile counter and she started muttering about how she was never going to bring a car seat ever again. Then when I went to tag it she yanked it off me while I was still putting the tag on, nearly making me fall across the luggage belt. Then she snapped at her daughter telling her she had to wait because the lady was taking forever.
4 hours later she's still in my head, bugging me. I know I should just let it go - if someone abuses you its like a gift that you can accept or not, according to a proverb story I read recently. I tried to imagine the situation from her point of view, having to wait for the seats to be changed while her 2 and 4yr olds screamed and jumped around her feet, and being stressed about it all. Sometimes that helps me to feel better, when I can empathise from someone elses point of view, but today not. I really can't see it from her point of view. Maybe my sister can help me, she's travelled on a plane with a small baby, she didn't have a good experience at all.
Still waiting for the conclusion on this one.
a national of that country.
For some reason i can have a lot of people harass me and cause me stress and it doesn't really affect me at all, but then there can just be that one person that pushes me over the edge. I checked in a young mother with two little girls, she seemed really nice, until I had to go to my supervisor to get her seat changed so that she was sitting with her daughters.
When I got back and handed her boarding passes to her she turned weird, slamming stuff down and scowling. I went to tag her baby seat so she could take it to the fragile counter and she started muttering about how she was never going to bring a car seat ever again. Then when I went to tag it she yanked it off me while I was still putting the tag on, nearly making me fall across the luggage belt. Then she snapped at her daughter telling her she had to wait because the lady was taking forever.
4 hours later she's still in my head, bugging me. I know I should just let it go - if someone abuses you its like a gift that you can accept or not, according to a proverb story I read recently. I tried to imagine the situation from her point of view, having to wait for the seats to be changed while her 2 and 4yr olds screamed and jumped around her feet, and being stressed about it all. Sometimes that helps me to feel better, when I can empathise from someone elses point of view, but today not. I really can't see it from her point of view. Maybe my sister can help me, she's travelled on a plane with a small baby, she didn't have a good experience at all.
Still waiting for the conclusion on this one.
Friday, June 19, 2009
INFJ
My first experience with the Myers-Briggs personality test came about at the Provo MTC. They took our class and a few others away once a week and did different tests with us, and this was one of them. At the time I had no idea what it was about nor did anybody really explain it to us afterwards, although I do remember something about my ideal jobs including counselling, writing and being a religious minister or some kind of spiritual leader. That one seemed quite funny to me.
When I got home one of my companions got married straightaway, so I went over to Oz for her wedding where her dad redid the test and took me through it. INFJ, introverted, intuitive, feeling, judging. He said the last one judging was the most curious because I seemed more like the spontaneous type than the lists and highly organized type. I informed him that due to whatI would call "cultural influences", I would probably naturally be prone to making lists and planning every hour of every day, I had had to learn to go with the flow on occasion.
I copied and pasted this from http://typelogic.com/infj.html if anyone wants to go look it up, I thought it was very interesting and I quite liked it, especially what it says about INFJ's expressing themselves better through writing. That seems very valid to and about me.
Introverted iNtuiting Feeling Judgingby Marina Margaret Heiss
INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.
INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.
Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).
This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.
Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* -- the dominant function for the INFJ type -- which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.
In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.
Copyright © 1996-2007 by Marina Margaret Heiss and Joe Butt
When I got home one of my companions got married straightaway, so I went over to Oz for her wedding where her dad redid the test and took me through it. INFJ, introverted, intuitive, feeling, judging. He said the last one judging was the most curious because I seemed more like the spontaneous type than the lists and highly organized type. I informed him that due to whatI would call "cultural influences", I would probably naturally be prone to making lists and planning every hour of every day, I had had to learn to go with the flow on occasion.
I copied and pasted this from http://typelogic.com/infj.html if anyone wants to go look it up, I thought it was very interesting and I quite liked it, especially what it says about INFJ's expressing themselves better through writing. That seems very valid to and about me.
Introverted iNtuiting Feeling Judgingby Marina Margaret Heiss
INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.
INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.
Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).
This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.
Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* -- the dominant function for the INFJ type -- which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.
In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.
Copyright © 1996-2007 by Marina Margaret Heiss and Joe Butt
Thursday, June 18, 2009
and joy cometh in the morning
Journal found, crisis averted. Mum kept telling me to look in one place in particular, but would I listen to her? Not really. Turns out she was right. But I truly did think I had looked in the place where she told me, but it was more of a category. In my scrapbooking stuff?
Seriously ma, do you know how much stuff I have. I haven’t really used it lately, but that’s not the point. I thought I’d already looked in that bag, until this morning when I was pulling my suitcase off the top of my wardrobe. I just happened to decide to look in that particular bag at the same time, since it was in the same place, might as well. And there it was, my journal with a photo of me and my name plastered on the front cover. I don’t always do the photo thing, and I usually don’t put pictures of me, I put ones of my family and friends, then I get to look and remember them on a regular basis. I haven’t much felt like writing since I lost it. Now I feel much better and my writers block seems to be over.
Lesson one: Don’t leave my journal in obscure places or I will think that I’ve lost it and mentally revert to a worst case scenario – someones stolen and read it and plans to humiliate or blackmail me! Maybe I should go back to writing in French.
Lesson two: Mums are always right. I can’t believe my journal was in my room with me that whole time, hiding from me, far out.
Seriously ma, do you know how much stuff I have. I haven’t really used it lately, but that’s not the point. I thought I’d already looked in that bag, until this morning when I was pulling my suitcase off the top of my wardrobe. I just happened to decide to look in that particular bag at the same time, since it was in the same place, might as well. And there it was, my journal with a photo of me and my name plastered on the front cover. I don’t always do the photo thing, and I usually don’t put pictures of me, I put ones of my family and friends, then I get to look and remember them on a regular basis. I haven’t much felt like writing since I lost it. Now I feel much better and my writers block seems to be over.
Lesson one: Don’t leave my journal in obscure places or I will think that I’ve lost it and mentally revert to a worst case scenario – someones stolen and read it and plans to humiliate or blackmail me! Maybe I should go back to writing in French.
Lesson two: Mums are always right. I can’t believe my journal was in my room with me that whole time, hiding from me, far out.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Running in Heels
Its never a good idea to run in heels, especially when surrounded by people. and yet thats exactly what i found myself doing today. I never thought it was possible to run in heels. I tried to hurry the passengers up, but they had limited command of the english language, and I wasn't
sure they understood what "run to the gate" means. So i had to demonstrate for them, drag them along with me, interrupt people on the way to butt into their place in line. Everyone was quite lovely except for when the support crew sent me into business class check in to clear customs. That was not fun. I have a thing against snooty people. Its not like I wanted to be in there. All the way to the gate I was intercepted by my coworkers encouraging us to hurry up. Then we caught up with several more passengers who were strolling along casually like they had all the time in the world. I think our running was contagious, because they all started moving faster until they were all hurried onto the plane and away it went. And home I went.
I was surprised that I didn't get tired from running, i actually felt energized, even in heels. I don't know how it was possible, but I managed to shut the general public out of my peripheral vision and I barely even noticed they were all there. That doesn't happen to me very often. It was quite marvellous.
sure they understood what "run to the gate" means. So i had to demonstrate for them, drag them along with me, interrupt people on the way to butt into their place in line. Everyone was quite lovely except for when the support crew sent me into business class check in to clear customs. That was not fun. I have a thing against snooty people. Its not like I wanted to be in there. All the way to the gate I was intercepted by my coworkers encouraging us to hurry up. Then we caught up with several more passengers who were strolling along casually like they had all the time in the world. I think our running was contagious, because they all started moving faster until they were all hurried onto the plane and away it went. And home I went.
I was surprised that I didn't get tired from running, i actually felt energized, even in heels. I don't know how it was possible, but I managed to shut the general public out of my peripheral vision and I barely even noticed they were all there. That doesn't happen to me very often. It was quite marvellous.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Karma
They say you get back what you send out. Or something along those lines. Had a weird experience today. I went to a customer service course yesterday where we learned about EQ, being polite and friendly, and dealing with difficult customers. At one point we had to do a role play where a customer was angry and we had to use the PEACE model to resolve their difficulties. My group was picked to do the "bad" example. We had a customer arrive after the check in had closed and beg us to let them on the flight (even though we don't have authority to do that). My job was just to be really rude. I tried to think of phrases I've wanted to use in the past but haven't, but my mind went blank.
The first passengers I checked in today arrived after the checkin had closed and I thought it was so weird that that was the roleplay I had done yesterday was the first thing to happen to me. I don't know if karma is the right word. Deja vu maybe. I genuinely felt sorry for them though, becuase they had actually arrived on time, waited in the queue, went to check in, got sent away to repack their bags and came back into the line only to find out that the flight had closed while they were away. There were some trainees on today so they probably stuffed up because they don't know what they're doing, they should have checked the couple in without bags and added the bags later.
After me telling them for 10 minutes that I couldn't get them on the flight and them requesting to talk to someone higher up, one of the team managers finally overheard, listened to their story and offered to take them over to ticketing and see if they could get any rebooking fees waived. So that was a good outcome in the end.
The first passengers I checked in today arrived after the checkin had closed and I thought it was so weird that that was the roleplay I had done yesterday was the first thing to happen to me. I don't know if karma is the right word. Deja vu maybe. I genuinely felt sorry for them though, becuase they had actually arrived on time, waited in the queue, went to check in, got sent away to repack their bags and came back into the line only to find out that the flight had closed while they were away. There were some trainees on today so they probably stuffed up because they don't know what they're doing, they should have checked the couple in without bags and added the bags later.
After me telling them for 10 minutes that I couldn't get them on the flight and them requesting to talk to someone higher up, one of the team managers finally overheard, listened to their story and offered to take them over to ticketing and see if they could get any rebooking fees waived. So that was a good outcome in the end.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Choices
To be or not to be, that is the question...
I went to a musical fireside last night about choices. It had a nice little situational drama about 2 ysa, Jane and John and the choices and decisions that they made throughout the week and whether it was leading them towards or away from their goals.
On an airplane, a small deviation in ones initial trajectory can have big implications later on. Not only that, but the pilot continually has to make minor adjustments in accordance with wind velocity and other factors.
Sometimes the standards I set for myself seem unattainable and I feel bad about trying so I write stuff off as being unimportant or uneccessary because its too painful to try and try and never get to where I want to be, or even worse, to never feel like I'm going to succeed.
Sometimes I get minute glimpses of the person I'd like to be, like a shaft of light piercing a dark cavern where everything is closing in around me. I feel the darkness like a smothering blanket over my head, whenever I'm not happy with myself, but the light comes back when I pray or when I allow myself to hope for better things to come. Its always preferable to focus on the things that are going well in ones life, but sometimes failure completely overrides all the good things that may be going on. Its difficult to be happy on such days.
I wonder if we knew before we came here to earth just how tough things were going to be.
I went to a musical fireside last night about choices. It had a nice little situational drama about 2 ysa, Jane and John and the choices and decisions that they made throughout the week and whether it was leading them towards or away from their goals.
On an airplane, a small deviation in ones initial trajectory can have big implications later on. Not only that, but the pilot continually has to make minor adjustments in accordance with wind velocity and other factors.
Sometimes the standards I set for myself seem unattainable and I feel bad about trying so I write stuff off as being unimportant or uneccessary because its too painful to try and try and never get to where I want to be, or even worse, to never feel like I'm going to succeed.
Sometimes I get minute glimpses of the person I'd like to be, like a shaft of light piercing a dark cavern where everything is closing in around me. I feel the darkness like a smothering blanket over my head, whenever I'm not happy with myself, but the light comes back when I pray or when I allow myself to hope for better things to come. Its always preferable to focus on the things that are going well in ones life, but sometimes failure completely overrides all the good things that may be going on. Its difficult to be happy on such days.
I wonder if we knew before we came here to earth just how tough things were going to be.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Thinking
Well it seems like ages ago that I started this blog but it probably wasn't really that long. Just got back from a trip up north for my little cousins baptism. Its like a whole 'nother world up there. Laid back, takes ages to get anywhere, nobody seems to mind about things running half an hour late (and I thought hamilton time was bad). Seems strange to have to go back to work tomorrow. My boss has been moved to a different department. She was not very approachable at times, so I hope her replacement is nicer. I want to request a heapload of leave for my 30th at the end of the year. I just found out staff travel is only 20-40% of the normal commercial flight price. You're on standby the whole way but still brilliant!
This post has the feel of a diary entry to me, which I don't really like, I usually try to pick one topic and stick to it, but I've lost my journal. Sadly I have absolutely no idea where it is. I hate to think of the potential ramifications if someone finds it and reads it, i would be horribly embarassed, even though I can't remember exactly whats in it, but it was bound to be extremely personal. I hope I've just misplaced it somewhere harmless, like in my room.
This post has the feel of a diary entry to me, which I don't really like, I usually try to pick one topic and stick to it, but I've lost my journal. Sadly I have absolutely no idea where it is. I hate to think of the potential ramifications if someone finds it and reads it, i would be horribly embarassed, even though I can't remember exactly whats in it, but it was bound to be extremely personal. I hope I've just misplaced it somewhere harmless, like in my room.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thoughts of the last 72hrs
I like turbulence, it reminds me of roller coasters when I was a kid. The thought that I might die never seems to occur to me. Wellington is colder than I expected. I should have expected it to be cold. Wow that tunnel is really narrow, what happens if someone else wants to come through in the opposite direction? Nobody here looks happy. Theres a supermarket right across the road. A two person room all to myself? How kind of you. So thats where the politicians go to work. This place is huge, I could spend a week here. Free old school tv and ads here? Look at that, my white ancestors fought against my brown ancestors in the maori wars. and got medals for it. I am half caste New Zealand. Save Manners mall on facebook? Why do they want to save the mall? whos destroying it? Swonderful, what a cool name for a store, reminds me of that old musical... i forget the name of it. Damn it that car nearly hit me. i hate one way grid streets, how are you supposed to know which direction cars are coming from? Hey isn't that the building where they had the Lord of the Rings premiere? Wasn't Gollum or someone hanging over it? I like sushi. Salmon & avocado mmm. No pens, only pencils, don't destroy the archives. Hey my great great grandma's will is in french, that is cool. Burial locator, was he or was he not related to me? Ooh look that is James Jordan's dad, well I finally linked up a whole family. Should I go on the Te Papa ride or shouldn't I? It looks good. But then it might give me a headache. How am I supposed to cram 6 floors of viewing into 4 hrs? Oh well give it a shot. i don't like the photography section. But the cloud artwork NZ words painted all over the wall is quite impressive. The tunnel again. Hey there are alcoves in it, just like Chad said. I wonder if you could hide in there while a bus was going through. I bet people do do that, just for dares & giggles. They're serving alcohol on this flight? good grief. and home. sleep. sweet oblivion. WORK!!!! is it that time already? dumb. glad its only 4hrs today. I think its time to revisit my blog. Yes, lets do that. "We?" since when am I "plural?"... and we will stop there.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Clothes Shopping
This morning I went opshopping. One of my workmates let me know a few months ago about a place she'd been to and I finally decided to check it out. I dragged one of my other workmates along with me. Shopping is always a good female bonding experience. I hate shopping, especially clothes shopping and most especially shoe shopping (I won't go into the many traumatic experiences I've had), but the socialising usually makes up for it.
I tried on about 20 different items, most of which were completely unsuitable for my size and shape. To start with, I'm not a good judge of what will fit me and what won't, and knowing what will look good is another story entirely. I usually only take one of two people shopping, but they both now live in another city and can't help me.
Womans clothes: masses of frills, lace and drapery, overdone 90% of the time, non-functional 70% of the time, occasionally pretty, other times hideous, not fitting in one way or another 97% of the time. Tops, cardigans, jerseys, pullovers, singlets, dresses, skirts, tights, pants, jeans, halter-necks, retro-tops, caftans, lavalava's, shorts...
Guys clothes seem much easier to work with. Pants, a top, a sweatshirt.
I finally chose a dark pink jacket that I really really like and a pair of plain black shoes for work. 4 hours and only two things to show for it. Its time to go home for a nap I think
I tried on about 20 different items, most of which were completely unsuitable for my size and shape. To start with, I'm not a good judge of what will fit me and what won't, and knowing what will look good is another story entirely. I usually only take one of two people shopping, but they both now live in another city and can't help me.
Womans clothes: masses of frills, lace and drapery, overdone 90% of the time, non-functional 70% of the time, occasionally pretty, other times hideous, not fitting in one way or another 97% of the time. Tops, cardigans, jerseys, pullovers, singlets, dresses, skirts, tights, pants, jeans, halter-necks, retro-tops, caftans, lavalava's, shorts...
Guys clothes seem much easier to work with. Pants, a top, a sweatshirt.
I finally chose a dark pink jacket that I really really like and a pair of plain black shoes for work. 4 hours and only two things to show for it. Its time to go home for a nap I think
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Goals
I was just looking at some goals I wrote about a year ago, pasted on my notice board, and forgot about. Thats what happens when you move so much and stuff gets dumped in storage.
One of them that I had written gave me a fright. It said, "I want a job where I can travel and have time to do the things that I want." This was written before I had even thought of applying for the job at AirNZ. And look at that. A part time job that gives me discounted flights to every continent in the world, bar antarctica.
I remember when I first saw the french speaking job on seek.co.nz for airnz. I had a strong impression that I should apply for it, but I didn't want to, mainly on the grounds that I would have to move to Auckland. But I guess it worked out in the end, I got the job I wanted, and its a good place for me to be.
Back in high school the same thing happened. I wrote down a bunch of goals at New Years, forgot about them, and was startled to find the list at the end of seventh form that I had completed nearly everything I set out to do. Especially Dux. That was the best one.
One of them that I had written gave me a fright. It said, "I want a job where I can travel and have time to do the things that I want." This was written before I had even thought of applying for the job at AirNZ. And look at that. A part time job that gives me discounted flights to every continent in the world, bar antarctica.
I remember when I first saw the french speaking job on seek.co.nz for airnz. I had a strong impression that I should apply for it, but I didn't want to, mainly on the grounds that I would have to move to Auckland. But I guess it worked out in the end, I got the job I wanted, and its a good place for me to be.
Back in high school the same thing happened. I wrote down a bunch of goals at New Years, forgot about them, and was startled to find the list at the end of seventh form that I had completed nearly everything I set out to do. Especially Dux. That was the best one.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Divorce
Family with 4 children living in Rotorua. Husband tells wife he has a job in Gisborne, and suggests she go stay with family in Auckland while he gets settled and finds a place for them all to stay, at which point he will call them down to Gisborne. Wife therefore takes 4 children and heads up to stay with her aunty. She does not hear from her husband. She writes to him in Gisborne. He doesn't answer. She wonders whats gone wrong and tells the police her husband is missing. A few weeks later they find him in Taranaki and bring him up to Auckland for a court hearing.
He is ordered to start paying maintenance towards the children. Several months later, he hasn't contributed anything. So he goes to court for a few months. The wife gets a minimal paying job, most of her salary going towards board for herself and one of her sons. The other children have been put into an orphanage/childrens home. He still doesn't contribute anything for the children. 3yrs after they moved to auckland, the wife files for divorce on the grounds of desertion.
3 yrs later the wife is remarried. She gets up and leaves her husband. He writes her a begging letter asking her to come back. She does not respond. He eventually files for divorce.
True story of my great great uncles daughter in the 1930's. Seeing the two divorce files today at the NZ archives office. It definately brought it all to life. I wonder if the breakup of her first marriage caused such a strong fear of abandonment in her, that she left her second husband before he could leave her. I wonder what happened to her and the children afterwards. Maybe one of them is still alive.
He is ordered to start paying maintenance towards the children. Several months later, he hasn't contributed anything. So he goes to court for a few months. The wife gets a minimal paying job, most of her salary going towards board for herself and one of her sons. The other children have been put into an orphanage/childrens home. He still doesn't contribute anything for the children. 3yrs after they moved to auckland, the wife files for divorce on the grounds of desertion.
3 yrs later the wife is remarried. She gets up and leaves her husband. He writes her a begging letter asking her to come back. She does not respond. He eventually files for divorce.
True story of my great great uncles daughter in the 1930's. Seeing the two divorce files today at the NZ archives office. It definately brought it all to life. I wonder if the breakup of her first marriage caused such a strong fear of abandonment in her, that she left her second husband before he could leave her. I wonder what happened to her and the children afterwards. Maybe one of them is still alive.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Attempt to Honour Mums
Even though Mothers day is meant to be about looking after mum's, they still have to do all the work. That might be a sad commentary on my family, but I have observed it amongst other families also. We decided to have a big extended family get together pot luck dinner at my aunty's house. There was way too much food and all the females opted to "start our next diet tomorrow". But it was still mostly prepared by the mothers. So much for it being their day. All the menfolk were off somewhere, the office or the lounge, I'm not sure which.
As the only adult female not a mother, I attempted to do my part. Namely dessert. It was delicious too, chocolate apple crumble. Of course loaded on top of potato bake, roast meat, roast veges, salad and some kind of dubious curry, my eyes quickly became too big for my stomache. I love food. But there was way too much for one person to manage preparation and cleanup all by themselves, and it wasn't my kitchen.
You have to be careful when you're a female in someone elses kitchen. There's liable to be a lot of rules that you don't know about in advance. You have to be careful not to step on any toes. That being said, its a great communal place, the kitchen. Its generally the heart of the home, and in group situations its a place to catch up and feel good about working towards a comon goal, namely getting dinner out on time, but only when theres more than one person there. So in that case, helping my mum, aunty and sister was not so much honouring the mothers in my family as participating with them, and turned out to be a really enjoyable experience.
As the only adult female not a mother, I attempted to do my part. Namely dessert. It was delicious too, chocolate apple crumble. Of course loaded on top of potato bake, roast meat, roast veges, salad and some kind of dubious curry, my eyes quickly became too big for my stomache. I love food. But there was way too much for one person to manage preparation and cleanup all by themselves, and it wasn't my kitchen.
You have to be careful when you're a female in someone elses kitchen. There's liable to be a lot of rules that you don't know about in advance. You have to be careful not to step on any toes. That being said, its a great communal place, the kitchen. Its generally the heart of the home, and in group situations its a place to catch up and feel good about working towards a comon goal, namely getting dinner out on time, but only when theres more than one person there. So in that case, helping my mum, aunty and sister was not so much honouring the mothers in my family as participating with them, and turned out to be a really enjoyable experience.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Why I write
Its been a while since i last posted, and I miss my blog. I usually write for therapeutic reasons, it helps my thinking to be able to see things on paper/in cyberspace. I notice different things than what I noticed in my own mind. It also helps to have a third opinion on my own views, I always learn alot more that way than I would have otherwise.
This week has been ok, slightly chaotic but emotionally flat. I usually write when I'm really happy or really upset about something, but this week has been quite blah. Never mind the Zeal staff strike right outside the airport on thursday, the gunman holding little Napier under siege or my bosses refusal to give me the leave that I asked for, none of it seemed to touch my emotions. It was like there was a wall around me, blocking it all out and holding everything at arms length. I don't quite know why, possibly i'm in denial about something. I was sick last week so my view of things became quite distorted, and in such a hazy mental fog I found myself unable to do all or even half of the things I had planned to do. Ordinary mundane things like, my washing, or cleaning up my room, or vacuuming for that matter.
Back to the topic. Why I write. It feels better when I write. Like i've accomplished something small and simple in my own little world, even if it is only something of value to myself. Writing helps me understand the things around me better, and touches on a small creative chord within myself that brings me joy. When I'm down, it brings me up to almost neutral, and when im neutral, writing lifts me up, not quite to elation, but at least something very near to it.
This week has been ok, slightly chaotic but emotionally flat. I usually write when I'm really happy or really upset about something, but this week has been quite blah. Never mind the Zeal staff strike right outside the airport on thursday, the gunman holding little Napier under siege or my bosses refusal to give me the leave that I asked for, none of it seemed to touch my emotions. It was like there was a wall around me, blocking it all out and holding everything at arms length. I don't quite know why, possibly i'm in denial about something. I was sick last week so my view of things became quite distorted, and in such a hazy mental fog I found myself unable to do all or even half of the things I had planned to do. Ordinary mundane things like, my washing, or cleaning up my room, or vacuuming for that matter.
Back to the topic. Why I write. It feels better when I write. Like i've accomplished something small and simple in my own little world, even if it is only something of value to myself. Writing helps me understand the things around me better, and touches on a small creative chord within myself that brings me joy. When I'm down, it brings me up to almost neutral, and when im neutral, writing lifts me up, not quite to elation, but at least something very near to it.
Friday, May 1, 2009
A+
Not really sure what a funeral has to do with sudden bingeing on fast food, but after a week of super healthy eating, finding out my stepdad had died suddenly brought on a need for burger king, mcdonalds and the like. Haven't been to BK since I moved cities, so I was surprised to discover that my favourite burger BK chicken has not only noticeably shrunk (with new packaging to disguise the fraud) but at the same time as it jumped up in price. I was disgusted enough to feel the need to text several people to alert them to my new discovery.
After several weeks of urging from my father, i finally consented to read his book, the one I got him for fathers day a couple of years ago (what was I thinking!) Eat right for your blood type. According to Peter D'Adamo the food that is best for your body is in line with whatever genetic inheritance you have, therefore if you respect what your body wants you will naturally be healthy. As an A type, I should be vegetarian. I should live on tofu and vegetables, cut out meat especially red meat (fish allowed), no wheat, no dairy, no potatoes, kumara, tomatoes, oranges, as these all react badly in my system. When I think about it, it explains why I lost 4kgs on my meat free, dairy free, bread free detox.
Living this diet would of course be a lot more difficult than just reading about it. But I bought some tofu at the markets this morning, just to try it out.
After several weeks of urging from my father, i finally consented to read his book, the one I got him for fathers day a couple of years ago (what was I thinking!) Eat right for your blood type. According to Peter D'Adamo the food that is best for your body is in line with whatever genetic inheritance you have, therefore if you respect what your body wants you will naturally be healthy. As an A type, I should be vegetarian. I should live on tofu and vegetables, cut out meat especially red meat (fish allowed), no wheat, no dairy, no potatoes, kumara, tomatoes, oranges, as these all react badly in my system. When I think about it, it explains why I lost 4kgs on my meat free, dairy free, bread free detox.
Living this diet would of course be a lot more difficult than just reading about it. But I bought some tofu at the markets this morning, just to try it out.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Peer Power
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers... why? Because the people who we spend out time with are the ones with the most influence over us - for better or for worse.
Today I went to day one of a self motivation course paid for by work, at which I had to listen to a bunch of whinging sods behind me complaining about how they weren't learning anything. That can happen when you don't listen. I wished they would shut up, close minded people annoy me. You're getting paid to enjoy the beautiful view of the harbour and play with playdo, you may as well enjoy yourselves.
I sit here, reflecting on other peoples ability to affect or influence my motivations and emotions or my ability to affect theirs. I did really well at high school, and i had similar expectations as I went into Uni. Until a family friend said to me, "You can't expect to do as well at uni as you did at high school, theres more people to compete against and the work level is a lot higher."
I totally took what he said on board, believed him, and what do you know, uni was a struggle for me to get through. In hindsight what would he know, he never even finished uni. And yet I took his beliefs as my own. It was a big lesson to me. Only take the advice of people you trust, and even then, don't take it all.
I read one time that fear and anger cause our auras to shrink, and enthusiasm causes it to expand. Obviously an expanded aura (5m or so out from our body) can influence people alot more than one thats in close around us. Consciously or subconsciously, we're all affected by others. Maybe thats why people are most comfortable around those who are most like themselves.
At times I much prefer being alone to having to deal with other peoples hangups. All I have to do know is find a kindred spirit or two and then we can take over the world.
Today I went to day one of a self motivation course paid for by work, at which I had to listen to a bunch of whinging sods behind me complaining about how they weren't learning anything. That can happen when you don't listen. I wished they would shut up, close minded people annoy me. You're getting paid to enjoy the beautiful view of the harbour and play with playdo, you may as well enjoy yourselves.
I sit here, reflecting on other peoples ability to affect or influence my motivations and emotions or my ability to affect theirs. I did really well at high school, and i had similar expectations as I went into Uni. Until a family friend said to me, "You can't expect to do as well at uni as you did at high school, theres more people to compete against and the work level is a lot higher."
I totally took what he said on board, believed him, and what do you know, uni was a struggle for me to get through. In hindsight what would he know, he never even finished uni. And yet I took his beliefs as my own. It was a big lesson to me. Only take the advice of people you trust, and even then, don't take it all.
I read one time that fear and anger cause our auras to shrink, and enthusiasm causes it to expand. Obviously an expanded aura (5m or so out from our body) can influence people alot more than one thats in close around us. Consciously or subconsciously, we're all affected by others. Maybe thats why people are most comfortable around those who are most like themselves.
At times I much prefer being alone to having to deal with other peoples hangups. All I have to do know is find a kindred spirit or two and then we can take over the world.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Shane
My stepdad was an interesting character, given to telling outrageous stories that only now I think may have been true. In his time he was a farmer, shepherd, metal worker and horse whisperer, plagued by type 1 diabetes from the age of about 20. He went less active as a youngster and spent most of his adult life out of the church, coming back to it only about 11yrs ago, shortly after which he travelled up from Invercargill to Hamilton for a wedding and met my mother.
Less than 2wks after their first meeting, they were engaged. The first time I met him was several months later at my sisters wedding. I could not fathom what on earth my mother saw in him. The night before their wedding he went on a sugar low and crashed his car into a ditch (the car he had just given to me with the intent that i would learn to drive in it). I looked at my siblings and wondered what my mother was thinking, was this not a sign of how their future life together would be?
Shane was a good poet, storyteller and cook. He helped teach me to drive (his method being to hold my knee and pinch me whenever I did something he didn't like) and he was very generous with his time and his belongings. He was very cheeky and we often would have arguments when our mutual insult-slinging matches became quite heated. According to mum, if he had ever had a daughter she would be just like me. I'm not sure whether to be pleased or offended by that remark.
Mum was his first and only wife. I often told him he was lucky she put up with his nonsense, when he was thinking clearly he usually agreed with me. She spent the last 2 or so years of his life as a full time caregiver, after numerous incidents including breaking his leg when he was thrown off a horse he was breaking in, being put on kidney dialysis, numerous infections, having part of his leg amputated and getting more and more grouchy with the pain.
He passed away peacefully in his sleep, and has now gone to join his parents and numerous family members on the other side. We buried him at a cemetery just out of Hamilton yesterday.
Less than 2wks after their first meeting, they were engaged. The first time I met him was several months later at my sisters wedding. I could not fathom what on earth my mother saw in him. The night before their wedding he went on a sugar low and crashed his car into a ditch (the car he had just given to me with the intent that i would learn to drive in it). I looked at my siblings and wondered what my mother was thinking, was this not a sign of how their future life together would be?
Shane was a good poet, storyteller and cook. He helped teach me to drive (his method being to hold my knee and pinch me whenever I did something he didn't like) and he was very generous with his time and his belongings. He was very cheeky and we often would have arguments when our mutual insult-slinging matches became quite heated. According to mum, if he had ever had a daughter she would be just like me. I'm not sure whether to be pleased or offended by that remark.
Mum was his first and only wife. I often told him he was lucky she put up with his nonsense, when he was thinking clearly he usually agreed with me. She spent the last 2 or so years of his life as a full time caregiver, after numerous incidents including breaking his leg when he was thrown off a horse he was breaking in, being put on kidney dialysis, numerous infections, having part of his leg amputated and getting more and more grouchy with the pain.
He passed away peacefully in his sleep, and has now gone to join his parents and numerous family members on the other side. We buried him at a cemetery just out of Hamilton yesterday.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Loss
My stepdad passed away on monday. I'm not sure how i feel about it, still kind of numb i guess. My poor mum. The last 3 days have flown by, full of visitors and new faces and some old ones. The funeral is tomorrow.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Day 19
It seems weird doing a running commentary on the same subject over a period of time, maybe because I haven't tried it before. The red patch on my leg has shrunk slightly which I think is a good thing. I ignored medical advice and went back to work today, I've run out of sick leave for the year, and besides, saturdays are time and a half, sick days are not.
I had a huge craving for home made hash browns when I got home. I tried to stave it off with a salad, but that didn't cut it... mmm they smelt seriously good, even though I couldn't find my edmonds recipe book and had to improvise. Cheese and potato is such a deliciously savoury combination, the bland but soft potato with the crispy salty creaminess of the cheese melted and dripping. Love it!
I had a huge craving for home made hash browns when I got home. I tried to stave it off with a salad, but that didn't cut it... mmm they smelt seriously good, even though I couldn't find my edmonds recipe book and had to improvise. Cheese and potato is such a deliciously savoury combination, the bland but soft potato with the crispy salty creaminess of the cheese melted and dripping. Love it!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Ideas vs Action
"Vision without action is merely a dream, action without vision just passes the time, action with vision can change the world."
So I think that some people come up with ideas, others carry out ideas and very very few have the capacity to do both. For myself, I regard myself as an ideas person, but not particularly action oriented. This started back when I was a baby. Mum would take turns sitting us in a little walker. My sister would immediately start propelling herself backwards, never forwards, only ever in the one direction. Whereas when placed in the same walker, I would sit there, look around and not even try to budge. According to my mother, i was busy pondering the fate of the universe, but I'm not so sure. I could just as easily have been thinking of nothing. I had a blank enough look on my face (as evidenced by the home videos they took at that time.)
At primary school, I would always think of things to do, and everyone else would do them, then I would join in, I was never a leader-type, more a follower, as people who are not action-orientated tend to be. We had great fun at home, my two siblings and I, being close in age. One of us would come up with something to do, and we would all launch ourselves wholeheartedly into it. My favourite was sliding down the staircase on mattresses. I was often the most reluctant of us to try new things, but I always enjoyed new experiences once I had been coaxed into it.
However, looking back at how I was then and how I am now, (and to think that when I was 18 I thought I knew it all!) I think that the point of this life is for each of us to learn different lessons, and become more balanced in the areas where we're lacking. I feel that its important for me to become more proactive and action orientated, in order to develop into the person that I need to be in the life to come. I just haven't quite figured out where to start.
So I think that some people come up with ideas, others carry out ideas and very very few have the capacity to do both. For myself, I regard myself as an ideas person, but not particularly action oriented. This started back when I was a baby. Mum would take turns sitting us in a little walker. My sister would immediately start propelling herself backwards, never forwards, only ever in the one direction. Whereas when placed in the same walker, I would sit there, look around and not even try to budge. According to my mother, i was busy pondering the fate of the universe, but I'm not so sure. I could just as easily have been thinking of nothing. I had a blank enough look on my face (as evidenced by the home videos they took at that time.)
At primary school, I would always think of things to do, and everyone else would do them, then I would join in, I was never a leader-type, more a follower, as people who are not action-orientated tend to be. We had great fun at home, my two siblings and I, being close in age. One of us would come up with something to do, and we would all launch ourselves wholeheartedly into it. My favourite was sliding down the staircase on mattresses. I was often the most reluctant of us to try new things, but I always enjoyed new experiences once I had been coaxed into it.
However, looking back at how I was then and how I am now, (and to think that when I was 18 I thought I knew it all!) I think that the point of this life is for each of us to learn different lessons, and become more balanced in the areas where we're lacking. I feel that its important for me to become more proactive and action orientated, in order to develop into the person that I need to be in the life to come. I just haven't quite figured out where to start.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Day 18
Today I went to the doctor. He told me I have phlebitis, which is apparently similar to thrombosis or cellulitis, I forget which, I just know we discussed both of them. He was upset that the antibiotics he gave me last time didn't work, so I omitted to mention to him that I lost the bottle partway through my scheduled dosage of 10 days and never finished. Oops.
Phlebitis is something to do with your vein being infected or clogged, we googled it but i've forgotten now, this is whats to blame for the nasty red patch on my leg. So I started taking the antibiotics (again!) like a good girl, which is not what I want to do at all, my aversion to medication is even greater than my mistrust of drs, not the individuals themselves, but the medical profession.
I won't get up on my soapbox for today and rant about the white supremist drug lords merck, roche, bayer etc and how they oversell toxic noxious pharmaceutical drugs to all and sundry poisoning the population by degrees in order to keep everyone sick and in need of their medications at overinflated prices so that they can suck the population dry.
No todays post is not about them, its about how I felt much better today. Whether it was the delicious fruit smoothie I made myself this afternoon or the herbal detox tea i had or possibly even the antibiotics. But the dr told me to draw a line about the phlebitis patch on my leg and if the redness spread outside of the line to go to the hospital immediately for fear of immediate dispatchment to the next realm. Luckily it hasn't yet. Will see what happens tomorrow
Phlebitis is something to do with your vein being infected or clogged, we googled it but i've forgotten now, this is whats to blame for the nasty red patch on my leg. So I started taking the antibiotics (again!) like a good girl, which is not what I want to do at all, my aversion to medication is even greater than my mistrust of drs, not the individuals themselves, but the medical profession.
I won't get up on my soapbox for today and rant about the white supremist drug lords merck, roche, bayer etc and how they oversell toxic noxious pharmaceutical drugs to all and sundry poisoning the population by degrees in order to keep everyone sick and in need of their medications at overinflated prices so that they can suck the population dry.
No todays post is not about them, its about how I felt much better today. Whether it was the delicious fruit smoothie I made myself this afternoon or the herbal detox tea i had or possibly even the antibiotics. But the dr told me to draw a line about the phlebitis patch on my leg and if the redness spread outside of the line to go to the hospital immediately for fear of immediate dispatchment to the next realm. Luckily it hasn't yet. Will see what happens tomorrow
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Day 15
Attempted 2 24hr fasts over the weekend, that was dumb, had headaches and chills and nausea. Somehow did something to my left leg that feels like i ripped a muscle, can't understand how because i can barely walk on my munted feet let alone do anything strenuous like you'd think that you need to do to hurt yourself so barely you can hardly stand up straight.
Gonna try an epsom salts bath later on, apparently thats good for sore muscles, if thats what my problem is. Then sleep all afternoon. This morning when i jumped on the scales i seemed to have lost 3kgs, but you never know, i might find them later.
Psyllium fibre is brilliant, i must say. Yesterday i decided to do a 7day no meat no dairy no bread thing, which started today. I've been craving sugar all day, I resorted to homogenised date/almond balls, yum. My sister agreed to come visit me in Aucks with her baby next week, i'm very much looking forward to it.
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